Top 10 Old School Jumpoffs

Keeping in line with my top 10 theme this week, I now present to you my list of top 10 old school jumpoffs. These women right there are R.igh.t O.n poster women. They were up on the wall, they helped me through puberty, might have even caused a few pages in the magazine to stick together but I thank them for it.

In no particular order:

#1 - Lis.a Li.sa - not the Cu.lt Jam just Li.sa Li.sa.

She wondered if I took her home, would I still be in love baby, because she needs me tonight!!!!!! Lawwwwwd…..Peep the bang over the eye. (do you see B.ow L.egged L.ou in the back. The fugg is he wearing?!?!)

Top 10 Reasons Your Ass is Single

After yesterday’s post and finding out that despite my advice, it happened, I figured instead of my other Top 10 for today, I gotta post a new one…

Top 10 Reasons Your Ass is Single…..

1. You do stupid shit….

You decided to fuck someone else’s man in a car in the parking lot behind the office building. Oh, dude likes you but the first time you do it is in the car?!?! Maybe because he lives with his girlfriend - can’t go there huh? Not even a hotel? A motel? The car. Hey, at least that’s better than fucking him in the same bed he and his girlfriend sleep in because that was option #1. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, you’re a CJ - Certified Jumpoff.

Commercial Break

We interrupt this program for a special announcement. We have to take a “pause for the cause” real quick.

A girl at my job calls me and asks for advice. “I’ve got a situation” she says.

She’s really feeling this dude but dude has a girlfriend that he lives with and a child with that person.

Hmmmm………oh wait, it gets better.

Dude invited her over his house - yes, the same one he lives with his girlfriend - for some lunch time rumbling and bumbling (read: sex, ass, booty)

Hmmmmmm…….ok. I always thought that dudes who cheat in the same house they live with their “mates” were idiots……but wait it gets better….

The same dude apparently was caught cheating previously and his so called girlfriend tested out a g.in.su knife on dudes forearm.

Her: So Fresh, what should I do?

Me: *blank stare* Are you fuggin’ kidding me? Are you really standing here telling me this shit asking for advice?!?!? I’m not wasting my breath on this…Go to your room…..(that’s my new shit right there. I don’t care how old you are, if you ask me a childish question, I treat you like a child and say go to your room..By the way, she’s 34)….

Who’s dumber?

We now return to our regularly scheduled program of Top 10 week……..