Relationship Post #3: Fresh’s Advice

I went out with a few friends for drinks last Thursday. 4 of us. 3 guys and 1 gal.

For the first  Vodka and Cranberry, I got an earful from the gal friend about how hard it is to find a man these days. By the time I got to the second drink, I asked the bartender for more Vodka and less Cranberry. This was going to be a long night.

Then the dreaded moment came…….

She asked “well what do you think Fresh?” It’s like I heard the words in slow motion. “whaaaaaaaaaaaaat do yoooooooooooooooooou thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink”.

Now when people tell me their issues/problems, I try to be the ear and just listen and only when they ask, do I offer my opinion. I mean, sometimes people just need to hear themselves out. But most of my friends know that when you ask my opinion, I’m going to give it to you. Straight. How I feel. No sugarcoating. And some friends respect that. They know I’m not trying to hurt them but help them. Others, well, they never ask because they know what they’ll get in return. And I expect the same in return.

I noticed that my boys, who were mostly out of the convo, decided to now listen and even offer their 2 cents.

My first piece of advice….

Stop hanging around dudes so much – Not meant to be offensive but if a guy sees a girl that hangs around guys all the time, he’s going to think one of two things. Either he’ll think that she’s taken by one of the guys she hangs around OR he’ll think she’s just so cool that she hangs around the guys.  Just one of the guys. Wifey calls my friend “safe”.  See…that’s a problem cause as a woman, you don’t want to be safe. You want to be dangerous. Risky. Safe means that you will never ever be a threat to any other women or their man. She’s not worried about you. You’re just one of the guys. And to a guy, when you’re “safe”, you are automatically in the friend zone. Not the “maybe one day I can hit that” zone. Not the “she could be wifey” zone. The friend zone.  Even if you don’t “f*ck with b*tches like that”, you need to find some women to hang around.

My second piece of advice……

Remix You – My boy originally said this but couldn’t find the right words, so I helped him out. At first I thought he was off his rocker but the more I thought about it, it applies to this young lady wholeheartedly.  I’ll summarize it in 3 words. “Kill the Flats”. The other 3 words “Wear some heels”. Now let me break it down.  All 4 of us have been friends for some years. In all the years I’ve known her, I can count on one, maybe two, hands the number of times I’ve seen her in heels. Now before you all get on me with that “not all women like heels Fresh”….I understand all that and I’m not saying you need to try and rock the 6” stilettos (save those for Beyonce or the bedroom) but what I am saying is every now and then, you have to “hurt’em” or “kill’em” You know what I mean? When you pick out an outfit or pair of shoes and say to yourself “ooooo I’m hurtin’ em tonight!” or once you get dressed and you look in the mirror you got that “i’m gonna kill’em today” look.  Y’all know what I’m talking about! Don’t front.  It’s not just for the opposite sex. You’re trying to hurt both sexes. You want compliments from everyone. Every now and then you have to spice it up. Change it up. Men are visual first and foremost so all things considered equal, if there are two women, same body type, one in jeans, shirt and nike shox (yes true outfit worn that night and yes she knew we were going out for drinks)  and the other in nice jeans, blouse and heels, which one do you think they’ll notice?

Last piece of advice…..

Study –  Man the whole relationship-find a mate-thing is a game. So you have to know how to play it. Point blank. “Well Fresh, I’m not about games”….Good for you but like it or not you have one. It may not be as extreme as others but you have one. If you see a cute guy and you purposely walk in front of him and switch a little harder–that’s game. Anyway, study. I’m not talking all nighters like finals. Save the all nighters for AFTER you pull the honey 🙂 But Ask. Learn.  She has so many guy friends but yet she seems clueless about men. Huh? Yo I would ask my female friends questions ALL THE TIME!!!! And about any and everything. You name it. “How come she can’t go to Target and buy just ONE item? How comes she needs a pair of shoes for EVERY outfit even if she doesn’t wear it?” That way I was prepared when women did some crazyoffthewallmetaphysicalesotericcrazyshit…………

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on July 16, 2009.

12 Responses to “Relationship Post #3: Fresh’s Advice”

  1. Preach.

  2. Wow, i was thinking the same thing earlier this week! You have to swtitch it up if the old way just isn’t cutting it. Good advice… The big question though, how’d she take it??…

  3. Good points Fresh, good points.

  4. son you said WEAR HEELS.. wait she went out for drinks in jeans, tee and nike shocks??? DONE

    bwaaahahahaaa even I KNOW you got to leave the sneakers home!!! LOL

  5. “How come she can’t go to Target and buy just ONE item? How comes she needs a pair of shoes for EVERY outfit even if she doesn’t wear it?”

    BECAUSE….that’s why.

    Good post but did you say the word esoteric? Let me find out Midwood knows a little something. LOL

  6. I am constantly amazed by women who don’t wear heels. Heels make the booty POP!

  7. I agree with Babs…heels ARE my running shoes. hmph

  8. I have a new friend. I was on the phone with him last night and he was like I’m going to have to step my style game up with you, because you are FABULOUS. You gotdamn straight. I wore 4 inch heels to work TODAY. (I keep ballet flats under the desk for mashing around the office.) But when I leave this here place, 4 inchers are back on and I am ready to terrorize the city. WHAATTTT!!!

    Po’ thang. She knows not the power that she has.

  9. Hey Fresh,

    I think this is all wonderful advice. I hope she listens to you on this one. Sometimes us women, go to other women for relationship advice-then we take ‘L’s’ (A LOST). I know from now on I got to go to a man for relationship advice.

    And, sorry I stay away so long.
    Love ya
    DL

  10. yep..just as I met Chief…the night we met I had on a sexy black dress and high heels…the next time we met up i had on some dunks and a fitted t shirt…he was like DAMN! ok..shawty can mix it up. He said from day one, because of that, i had his attention. you gotta keep em guessing!

  11. I LOL’ed when you said “as a woman, you don’t want to be safe. You want to be dangerous. Risky.”

    Maybe that’s how I’ve been perceived all this time?

    Makes me want to be “safe” so less men will bother me. HAHA. Thanks for some male perspective.

  12. yep, much needed advice for real… i’m that chick, #1 and #2. Even though I’ve gotten rid of most of my guy friends (I was safe but they weren’t) and I love my flats. I have juvenile arthritis in both knees, heels are for special situations only, like going out. that’s it. but I learned a lot from my guy friends, so much so that they would say I date like a dude. I play the game when I need too ;-).

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