TT the Bandit
I’m on 2 major projects at work and once my co-worker ducks out for the next 3 weeks, I’ll have a 3rd on my plate.
For one of my projects, I take the iron horse aka the subway aka the m.etro (if you live in this uurrea). Trust me, being on that thing provides more than enough writing material but by the time I get off, I can’t remember it anymore. (go ahead and say it, reason #12384 to get an iphone)
You see yesterday I was victimized. No, nothing serious or illegal but worthy of a few laughs and definitely worthy of a post. When I was coming home, mentally drained, I stepped on a crowded train. Now, I don’t know about you guys but I’m usually not the type to move to the middle of the car. I play the doors. I think that goes back to my days of being a strap hanger in NYC.
Two stops after I get on, it gets more crowded and “she” gets on. I don’t know what her real name is but to me, she’s TT or aka Torpedo Titties. (excuse my french). You know TT. Her breasts are like down to her waist and she has to wear a bra to push them up but the bra is pointy and to me, it looks like two torpedos.
So I’m rocking out to my ipod, cracking jokes in my head and analyzing her. I’m thinking all types of crazy shit like “I wonder if she breast fed” and “I wonder how heavy they are….could I lift them with one arm” and “I wonder if they smack her in her face when he’s hittin” it right. Then I went to the “boy if that was me, I’d……………….”
And yeah. I didn’t even get a chance to finish my thought because…………
The train stopped short. See since that horrible accident, they are driven manually and you feel when the conductors stop, put on the brakes etc. Well, the train stopped short and well….TT….came right for me.
Fresh meet quadruple D’s. Quadruple D’s meet Fresh.
I mean, those joints pinned me to the damn door. It happened so fast, I couldn’t even move. I just said “oh shit” and then BAMMM……
I had to laugh to myself. I could see other people cracking smiles. I asked TT if she was okay. She said yeah and moved to a pole to hold on again.
The lady standing next to me asked if I was ok. I said yeah. She then asked me if I was able to breathe. I just laughed.
The man above works in mysterious ways…….LOL