Hoochie Mama High Heel Cellulite

Good day my fellow bloggers. 

The weather was warm this past weekend and lawd knows all of Sixty’s and BK’s cousins were out and about looking like……wait…my momma says if ain’t got nothin’ nice to say don’t say nothin’ at all…….BUT……my momma don’t read this blog…..HA!

Anyway, your cousin’s were out looking like straight dirt. I’m sayin…I saw it all last weekend. More than I wanted to see. I saw short shorts, hoochie mama shorts, I mean they could have damn near been boyshorts, ass cheeks hanging out.

I saw undone toes, funky nail and toe polish combinations (which probably made every As.ian nail salon owner happy as hell).  I saw tons of cellulite. Tons.

I saw some bad mama jammas thought rocking the sundresses and heels but they were outweighed by the NWIH crews (NO WAY IN HELL). These are the people the wear something crazy and you say, THERE’S NO WAY IN HELL  ___________(fill in the blank). I saw bird chest crackhead looking dudes in wifebeaters and damnit, I wanna smack K.anyeezy for this baggy skinny jean crap. I don’t care what boxers you have on……

BUT the best was the mother/daughter combo with the little toddler girl. Short shorts, heels, funky nails, loud talking, screaming g-hetto. The lady in the store comes up to one of them. “Miss your daughter is hiding between those dresses”  The lady says “oh that’s not my daughter, that’s my grand-daughter” 

SCRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- mother fuggin – EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCH.  Hold up son. Son. Son. Hol’ up. 

You’re a grandma with those shorts on and the big ass tattoo on your thigh that said “juicy cherries”……..Yeah….No comment….

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Moving on.  We’re driving around looking for a parking spot about to hit the movies. It’s 90+ degrees that day. All of a sudden, I see a guy walk into the movie theater and get in line to buy a ticket. No problem right? Except he’s wearing a big ass North.face jacket. Didn’t I just say it was 90+ degrees?!?!!?!?!  Yeah ummm…we can go eat first and catch the next show…..or hit another theater. Fugg dat.

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You ever log on to instant messenger and it’s like as soon as you finish typing your password, someone is hitting you up with a message AND it’s the one person you’re trying to avoid…Hate that crap….So glad for stealth mode

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The girl in front of me in 7-Eleven last night  had 3 items in her hand: Some Heinekens, chocolate blunt and condoms. Now tell me. What do YOU think was about to go down?!?!

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Didn’t you learn to wash your hands and cover your mouth while coughing back in kindegarten? So how come, as an adult, you don’t do it? 

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I went on a media diet. No news. No radio. Well I was still on the internet but no C.N.N, only Wash Post, Wall Street Jou.rnal, obviously no blogs, no FB, no tweeting……..I’m telling you, best diet ever.  Better than Atk.ins….

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So this morning I turned on the radio and heard girl straight arguing with dude over some celebrity news…..Is it that serious? Is your life that consumed with celebrity?

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I work with a bunch of penguins. Why is the AC on blast??!?!? It’s like 60 degrees. Now I gotta bring a sweater to work like a litte b-i cause Mary Lou is having hot flashes. 

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If you’re pregnant, it’s probably a good idea if you stay out of the club….I’m just sayin…..

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I think Ri.ck Ro.ss is wack. 

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I think C.iar.a is overrated.

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I think Max.well is…………….nah, I’m playing. Dude is talented.  He said “if I can’t have you, let love set you free”…..are you serious? If that was any other singer today, they would say some sh*t like “if I can’t have you, no body will”….ooooh….how original…..OR….”if I can’t have you tonight, I’ll get you tomorrow and blow your back out in my mama’s basement”….wait…that don’t rhyme but you get the picture..

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I hate when they take a perfectly good song and ruin it with a dumb ass remix. I don’t want to hear people rhyming over every hot song, hot beat, catchy hook…

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I’ve completely lost all other random thoughts I had in my head…….

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on May 1, 2009.

7 Responses to “Hoochie Mama High Heel Cellulite”

  1. Looky here, my cousins are just confident with theirs. Hell, their cherries are juicy HATER. “You don’t like it, so what, I don’t care.” (Rob Base)

    Fresh….the lyrics to pretty wings is serious man. Why are you blowing back’s out in your mama’s basement? You can’t get the Brooklyn out of some folks. *SMH*

  2. “If you’re pregnant, it’s probably a good idea if you stay out of the club….I’m just sayin…..”

    “You’re a grandma with those shorts on and the big ass tattoo on your thigh that said “juicy cherries”……..Yeah….No comment….”

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW LMAO!!!!

  3. I absolutely LOVE your post. I was nearly in tears with your comment about what other singers would be singing about. Gosh, that is so true and the proof is playing on the radio this very second!

    I second your Rick Ross is wack motion! And while Ciara is a talented and beautiful entertainer, she isn’t that great of a singer. I still love her though.

    Who in the world brought back the skinny jean? And why is it the folks that shouldn’t be rocking them at all, are rocking them the most:
    Men and fat people?

    Have a great weekend AFF!

  4. =========

    The girl in front of me in 7-Eleven last night had 3 items in her hand: Some Heinekens, chocolate blunt and condoms. Now tell me. What do YOU think was about to go down?!?!

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    …just be glad she had condoms. She could have been going into it raw and ended up spreading AIDS, herpes, swine flu and all other sort of nastiness.

    ’till next time…

  5. Hi, nice post. I have been pondering this topic,so thanks for writing. I’ll certainly be subscribing to your blog.

  6. as I return from my innernet diet.. YOU A DAMN FOOL lol

  7. That media diet sounds good. I could be so much more productive if I’d just step away from the tv/computer/cell phone. *sigh*

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