Random Return

Yup, it’s been a while and according to one smart ass blogger, apparently there was dust on my page cause it’s been so long. It’s probably similar to the dust that’s on her……nah, don’t go there Fresh. HAAAAAAA!!!!!! 

Anyway, the month is over. The quarter is over. Sales people are happy and I’m back to my normal norm (for now) and with that I’m random.

#1 – Ladies….I’m going to give you one piece of advice to help you in your relationship. K? You should know this already but in case you missed the memo because you got hit up by that computer virus last week (no I won’t say the name or any variation of it on here because the people who wrote that thing are hella smart- even though I’m on a MAC…hahaha b*tches)….but as I was saying…the advice….MEN…HATE….ROUTINE…. there you have it. Take it. Read it thrice. Swish it around like it’s wine. We of the double sack contigent hate routine. It’s really not that complicated so I don’t want you ladies going off to get your Ph.D. It’s not that serious. All you have to do…is…switch it up sometimes. Every now and then, you should….drive to the movies, buy dinner, initiate the sex,  take him shopping, initiate the sex…..know what I’m saying?!?!?!  Let’s say he’s all goo-goo-gah-gah over some scantily clad chick in K.I.N.G magazine (RIP 2009) and he shows you and says “baby, you should go buy something like that”….Instead of screaming at the top of your lungs with a “nugguh you must have lost your damn mind”…..put the holier than thou persona to the side for a night, find the outfit and surprise him. Return back to corporate girl in the morning. See? Simple.

*oh yeah, fellas, you should do the same. gotta switch it up. keep’em guessin*

#2 – I’m a sucker for black tights and black shoes on a woman. Geesh. 

#3 – I’m more of a sucker for skinny jeans and heels. Geesh squared. (i’m a nerd yo. I said squared. HA!!) Speaking of skinny jeans, if you’re not skinny (which is all good), are the jeans still skinny jeans or are they “i’m thick as hell” jeans or “bbw” jeans? Doesn’t matter, just rock’em right.

#4 -And since I’m talking about clothes, I see the ladies are gonna be rocking the strappy sandals and although I’m not a big fan of some of them (just too many straps going on…is your foot in bondage?!?!?!), I’m more concerned about the toes.pgnwkentarodknatlepeSee what I’ve been seeing a lot of lately is the runaways. RUNAWAY PINKY TOES!!!!! I don’t know if they just don’t notice it when they put the shoe on or if the toe decides to shift over time while in the shoe but the pinky toe manages to rear it’s ugly head between one of the straps on some peek-a-boo sh*t. How can you not notice that your pinky toe is out? You don’t feel the extra breeze? Doesn’t it feel uncomfortable to walk? Maybe it’s been like that for so long that it’s just numb……So for the sake of the pinky toes, look down every now and then and see if it’s in tact.

What number am I on?  Oh yeah…

#5 – Somebody lend me….no, wait, somebody give me $100,000..Thanks. ‘Preciate it.

#6 – It’s so funny in the gym, the black women are working out to lose their thighs and hips. But the white women? Nah. They’re doing every exercise in the world to get a little poke out. Lunges, squats, butt crunches, you name it….

#7 – It’s official. Daycare is having a serious MILF recession. I haven’t seen a bad mama jama in a minute which means the amount of time I stay in there has decreases significantly…..Just sayin…

#8 – By far, this is the best commercial on television….

#9 – I don’t watch tv too much (it’s poison…shhhh) but I’m addicted to Cele.brity Apprentic.e. I mean damn like I’ll be sitting in the crib trying to figure out how I would do the actual projects.  Yellin’ at the tv…….

#10 – Somehow this song got on my ipod and damnit if I wasn’t bumpin’ in the gym the other day. It got me through a rigorous set of leg presses…..

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on April 7, 2009.

11 Responses to “Random Return”

  1. LMAO! You came back hard big bro! OMG….Every last point you hit on was sooooo on target!

  2. you ain’t lie.. that commercial is the best!!!! one of my favorites!

  3. My samba instructor has a pinky toe that drag the floor in her dance shoes. It drives me crazy! But some damn shoes that fit!

  4. That Heineken commercial is the shiz-nit! I’m digging the lady’s closet but dammit if I don’t want a walk-in liquor store in my kitchen! Replace half the Heineken with some Corona and we are in biz-ness!!!!

    (MzInspired recommended you to me…gotta thank her. Diggin’ ya vibe)

  5. Welcome back, Fresh! I am with you on the pinky toe but what about that ashy heel that has already made an appearance this year?

  6. Leg presses? Are you trying to rock shorts? Go Fresh, Go Fresh….

  7. @Jurista – What up!?!? Welcome…..Did Mzinspired warn you?!?! Just kidding….

    @Krush – Man listen. Can we do something about the ashy heel? Especially the one that’s all crusted and crackin?

    @Sixty – Yessssir.

  8. I’ve laughed, cried, snotted out my nose. I have a headache now…thanks! That Heineken commercial is the truff!

  9. ain’t that ain’t I out of here? Heeeyyy!!!!

  10. them shoes are cute tho! but yeah i HATE the pinky toe thing too, like ew!

  11. Ha Ha Ha! Thanks for the routine advice. Women like routine feels secure! I’m with you on if he says he likes something on another woman then for sure you’d better go get that wear it and keep it at home!
    http://www.kimdom-come.blogspot.com/

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