Remember The Time: Big Booty Judy*

She was my first crush……….nah, check that. 

She was my first older woman crush……wait….check that too.

She was the first older woman crush I had that I thought eventually I could get with…..Yeah that’s it. 

Big Booty Judy*

She was Puerto Rican and she moved around the way when I was in like junior high I think. She was probably no more than 25 and her measurements were like 34-29-85. 

I’m saying at the time her butt really seemed like it was an 85. She would have put Buffie the Body to shame. Seriously if they had King Magazine back then, she would have easily been on the cover.

85 son. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit but….

That’s exactly what it seemed like when she would come outside and we’d see her in her skin tight stone washed blue jeans and white heels. Now that I think about it, I don’t remember ever seeing her in jeans that weren’t stonewashed.

Her hips were crazy. My man Pierre called them baby making hips. And you know how when you ladies wear your heels and got that walk? Yeah first time I saw that with Big Booty Judy, my body hormones went into overdrive. It was like puberty squared. But she did have baby making hips caused she made a baby.

She had a little shorty. A little girl but we all knew that when she moved into the building because initially we always saw the two together.

One day I saw Judy about to get in the elevator so I ran and got in to. I rarely took the elevator in my building. For one, the thing smelled like 8 gallons of piss. For two, the damn thing got stuck every other time. But with her going in, hell, if I got stuck, there was a God.

She acknowledged me. I spoke back. Her words were “you’re a little cutie” and that put me on cloud nine. At that moment I had to map my game plan because I wanted Judy to be my first. Yup, take my virginity. Give birth to Dope Boy. Praise the Pen*s. You get the point. Pipe dreams I know but if I remember the age difference was like 8 years. Now if she was 21 and I was 13, that’s bad. But if I was 21 and she was 29. Game on homie. I had to keep her at bay for a few years. LOL.

She would ask me to run to the store for her sometimes and I did it. I figured it was me getting in good. Even watched her little one in her apartment once cause she had to make a “run”.  She asked. I did it. I was whooped. 

But once she got a man, I got shut DOWN….no errands, no nothing, an occasional “hey cutie”. I didn’t like her dude, he was too controlling. He pissed me off cause he was being a good man. I’m sure he got hypnotized during the back shots. That’ll catch any dude at any time!

One day I came in from riding my bike and wanted to take the elevator instead of carrying it up the steps like I normally do. I push the button but the elevator is taking mad long to get there. So I wait and keep waiting. I put my ear to the door and don’t even hear the thing moving so I thinking it’s stuck again but I hear noises. As I’m about to leave, it finally arrives.

Out comes Big Booty Judy and her new man. She’s grinning from ear to fuggin’ ear. This dude is fastening his belt. He looks at me and says “you know when it’s that good, sometimes you can’t wait”

This dude was bonin’ MY girl in the elevator. Ain’t that about a bitch?

*names changed to protect the innocent.


~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on March 5, 2009.

10 Responses to “Remember The Time: Big Booty Judy*”

  1. Oh dam! LMAO the video at the end really captured your emotions bout this big bro!

  2. The elevator? Damn!!

  3. “Never trust a big butt and a smile.” Bell Biv Devoe

    First of all, that’s jacked up. He was doing your girl in the elevator? Damn.

    And I heart you for busting out the Mc Shan video. LOL

  4. Ditto on Bell Biv Devoe and Judy just nasssty for getting blown out in a pissy elevator…ewww

  5. I used to go around singing that song whenever I saw her after that! HA!

    @Sixty – You knows I takes it back.

    @Kellz – I don’t know if she was getting blown out or doing the blowing…..

  6. drops fork.. LOL..

    Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn Son!!!! LOL

  7. LOL!!!! 85 tho??? her booty was an 85?!?!? LOL!!!

    I can believe it tho..there is this woman at my job with the BIGGEST ROUNDEST MOST ROTUND BOOTY and HIPS I have EVER seen. Even I can’t stop staring at it whenever I see her. I’ma sneak a candid shot with my phone one day and blog about it cause her booty is rediculour. LOL!

  8. ok wow…typo…”ridiculous”

  9. […] See the original post here:  Remember The Time: Big Booty Judy* […]

  10. A pissy elevator booty call…the stuff that dreams are destroyed by. Sigh.

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