Punishment. Ass Whoopings. 

I, like many other kids I know, would get my ass lit up sometimes by my mother. I’ll admit. Some of the time, I deserved it. But other times I think it was just a pure knee jerk reaction to send me a message. See she was a single mother trying to keep her son from being a knucklehead. She couldn’t say “i’ma tell daddy” cause I had to actually SEE him to get a beating and that wasn’t happening. For a while, he was nothing but a monthly check. That “timeout” shit never worked. She had to instill fear and respect while trying to raise me to be a man. It’s a damn tough job. 

My house was one of those spots where ma dukes gave me options. Either you go get your belt yourself or she picks out what she’s jacking you up with the first thing she could get her hand on. And that’s if there was time for the selection. If it was one of those knee jerk reactions, I had no choice.  One time I was being an ass (see I admit it) in C-Town. I was damn near touching everything I could get my hands on even though she told me to “stop” like 8 million times. The result: I got my ass and legs lit up by Cap’n Crunch. Yes. Cap’n Crunch cereal box. That was last thing I grabbed off the shelf and that’s what she proceeded to pounce on me with. The cereal box broke. Cereal all over the aisle (clean up in aisle 5) AND THEN she got pissed at me cause she had to pay for it. So all I heard the whole time home, while she’s pushing the cart (cause where I grew up, you pushed the metal cart to the grocery store, the laundromat, etc)…anyway all I heard was her mumbling…”made my buy this damn cereal I don’t even like cause you wanna act the fool..I don’t even like Cap’n crunch”……HAHAHAHAHA….to this day, I don’t eat Cap’n Crunch.

Then there was the time she told me to pick what I wanted to get beat with and I came back with a shoe string from my Nikes. LAWD, what was I thinking? Her reaction: “oh you think you’re funny…..go get your name belt…see if you laugh to that”…..

Some parents nowadays are soft. Yeah I said it. They let their kids run them. Talking back. Talking smack. You talk back in my house that was an instant smack. Now?  You can’t do that to them. They’ll tell relatives, teachers, etc. They know the number to child services. Hell, they’ll send email cause they know how to do that to. Although I don’t hesitate to take a hand to the little one,  luckily, I haven’t had to that much. But for me, I prefer to hit her where it hurts. That butt whooping is temporary, although the memory is long lasting. Act up now, I do shit like “oh yeah…no Disney Channel, H.ann.ah M.ont.ana for a week”


She’ll fall out. Get real dramatical like on some acting shit. And the Academy Award for Best Child Performance in a Punishment Scene goes to…….

One of my boys has a son who is being Sir Knucklehead. So he’s telling me this the other day and I’m like what you doing about it.

Him: Yo Fresh, I beat his ass but this little dude ain’t even fazed by it no more

Me: F*ck that. Hit em where it hurts. Jack that PSP from him

Yesterday I got a call….it worked like a charm……

So spill it…..what was your worse ass whooping/punishment?


~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on January 28, 2009.

14 Responses to “Punishment”

  1. Babs was a model child. Except for one time I cussed. I said “who the hell does he think he is”. I was 8. My mommy sent me to bed and wouldn’t let me watch the Bugs Bunny special that was coming on.

  2. too many a$$ whoopins to tell.. too many were too damn serious.. LOL but errr yeah I whoop dat a$$ and I take everything away.. Teenage daughter.. easy.. take cell phone, laptop, ipod and block internet on other pcs in home :D.. no password no get in.. Preteen son.. easier.. no Cartoon Network, shyt no tv period, take away ds, ipod, and all game systems.. LOL and I do it till I say so.. cause they are liable to fugg up soon as I give it back 😀 LOL

  3. LMAO! You took it back with the cereal box in the middle of the store. I got one beating that I will never forget. My moms gave me a $1 to buy some candy. At that time, $1 would buy a whole sack full of candy. So I’m happy as hell and decide that I need to do a taste test in the store to see which candy I wanted to buy. The lady behind the counter peeped me out and told mom that she was going to have to pay for everything I opened. She beat my ass in the store, in the parking lot, in the garage, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, the bedroom and a week later when she thought about it again. LOL

  4. Lol….you made me have flash backs to the time I was 15years old and I called myself staying out late with a girl my Mom couldn’t stand. Well, I waltzed in the house like I paid bills and was on my way to my room. My Mom created new curse words and I tried to walk away and say “Well, it don’t matter no way I went out and now I’m home, you’re too late” Next thing I felt was some chinese figurine in the middle of my back and then my Mom grabbing me by the neck…I can’t remember what she said but I was a perfect teenager after that….hahahahah

  5. Oh the flashbacks.. My mum was a beast when it came to beatings. I remember once she beat my ass with a stick she used to prop up her plant. I had to wear long sleeve shirts for a week (in the middle of summer)and when people asked why I was limping I told them I fell. My mum used to grab whatever she got her hands on: pot, hot curling iron, high heel shoe, plank of wood.

    Okay the memories are too much.

  6. I had too many beatings to even name one. They always involved crazy stuff like belts, switches, hairbrushes….caribbean moms do not play that. They get medieval on your azz.

    Not the Captain Crunch!

  7. LMAO!!! I would never eat Cp N Crunch again either!

    My mother gave punk whoopings i would pretend to cry to she’d stop then I’d go to my room and laugh. Then she started taking my phone out of my room etc. I wasnt a tv watcher as a child so that didnt eve phase me either which she thought it did. if she knew any better she would have taken my books. And whenver she took my phone I had a back up hidden under my bed..i’d jsut plug it in and talk then unplug it when not in use..LOL

    with my dad he never really have to spank me or my brother…we got one good whipping from him one time and then after that a stern look was all it took to get us to sit with perfect posture and behave like little angles for the rest of the day..LOL

  8. Lemme see…I think the worse one I got was when I was in the 4th or 5th grade. She worked, I stayed home alone until she got there. Of course there were rules…no opening the door. NO OPENING THE DOOOOR…said If I did, my butt would be as red as her robe.

    I did more than open the door. I went through her penny jar. I’d count out 25 and go get a bag of chips up the block. I got busted standing at the door talking to a friend. I told her that I saw her coming in the building so I opened the door and my friend just happened to be on the floor. She let me slide. It happened again…she wasn’t tryna hear it again. I got tore up!

  9. I was a pretty good kid – my punishments usually consisted of being denied something. My middle brother got an arse whuppin’ we still laugh about almost 20 years later. The “do right” beating of 1989. Don’t remember what he did, but our Mom beat that dude for what seemed like hours, the whole time shouting “do right boy, do right!”

    I’m with you on the denial punishments. My girl act a plum fool when I deny her the pleasure that is N.oggin!

  10. Man, now I’m sore thinking about all the whoopings I got. There were many let me tell you. As a kid my Dad would always say, “Don’t test your mother. She didn’t have no soft upbringing like you. Queens goes hard.” Well I tested her plenty but the LAST time I did I found out for real what he was talking about. I was 17 and had skipped school, forged the leave documents and was caught by the school secretary. She called home and I intercepted the call and let one of my boys pretend to be my father and smooth the situation over. Well the VP called the next morning to follow up and woke my mother up out her sleep after working the overnight shift. He comes skipping past my first period class talkin bout, “I just spoke to your mother, she’s on her way.” It was at that moment I knew I was gonna pay. After that class I dragged myself into his office where I was hit with a 1, 2 combo upon entry. 2 black eyes and hurt pride later I finally understood what my pops was talking about. Queens go Hard.

  11. Worse beating? I was too old to be getting one, I’ll tell you that. What is too old to get ya tail beat with a belt, anyway?

    I digress….I had stayed out WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to late and my mom and dad was all worried. It had been snowing outside and they thought I was hurt or something. They even went out in the storm looking for me. So when I DID get home, I got my tail kicked!

    I was more embarrassed about it because I was so old but then felt bad cuz my parents were truly worried.

    And you know how black mamas get once they know you’re alright and that you just were b-a-d?

    Yeah, I got it that time.

  12. I got waaaaayyyyy too many whoopin’s for no damn reason – and I was a good girl: straight A student (a nerd, really), went to church, girl scout, yes ma’am/no ma’am kinda girl. My parents had control and anger issues so whenever my dad had a bad day at work, I got hit. Whenever my mom felt she wasn’t getting enough attention from my dad, I got hit.
    I’m trying to be very selective when I punish Ami. The strain of being a single mother can get to you sometimes (God bless your mom) so when I discipline him, I take a second to make sure I’m spanking him b/c he did something wrong, not b/c I’m stressed out.
    ’till next time…

  13. I love captain crunch w/berries.
    My worst beat down came when I was already on punishment for writing some crap in a diary that my mom read. Then she asked me to go hang some clothes on a clothes line. They werent’ my clothes so I looked at her and told her no, I was reading a book and she should do it herself. I proceeded to keep lying on the sofa with that book. Someone had made her a belt. You know those jailhouse belts with your name on it. Well she went in her closet and got that belt and proceeded to beat my azz something terrible. Her name was indented in my skin! That’s the last beat down I remember and I think I was like 15.

    The worst beat down I ever gave my kid was one time when he was 3. He kept begging to open his presents under the tree and it was not Christmas. I kept telling him to wait til Christmas. One day while I was sleep, he woke up and tore into all the gifts. Wrapping paper was everywhere. I woke up when I heard him blasting a Wiggles’ cd in his new radio. I came down stairs withotu my glasses and all I saw was wrapping paper and him playing with all his new toys. Man I gave him the beat down of his life and then put all the toys in a trash bag.. I wonder if he still remembers that whipping!

  14. Man y’all were some bad ass kids…LMAOOOOO

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