Perspective

Yesterday I left work pissed. Fuming. It was just one of those days where things start spiraling out of control and no matter how hard you try to stop it, no matter what you do, it keeps spiraling. Then you give up because it’s useless.  F*ck it. Why waste energy?

I became consumed with myself. Talking to myself in the car. Drove home with nothing but my voice. Questioning myself. Retracing my steps. My moves. Should have done this, that and the third Fresh. Should have said something. Now usually, I am able to quickly brush it off. Learn the lessons and resume life but the flood gates opened. The levees in my brain broke and my emotions and thoughts were stranded, fighting each other to see who would get rescued first.

I don’t like to go to sleep feeling that way. I despise going to bed angry at myself or anyone for that matter. If I can, no matter what it is, I think about the why. Why is this happening? What caused it? The funny sh*t though,  when people ask me those questions, I can’t tell them the answer. In fact, I get offended when they ask me a bunch of times “What’s wrong with you Fresh?”   The reason for that is simple. I don’t know the answer. So I can’t give you something I don’t know right? But when I do know, I’ll tell you. I have to figure it out myself first. I have to send in the rescue squad to save my thoughts from drowning.

If they drown, the relief is only temporary but eventually, somewhere, when you least expect it, they’ll resurface. They floated to another part of your life and now there’s a bunch of ‘dead weight’ that you have to do something about. But when you rescue them and deal with them and treat them for any potential injuries they may have occurred, they have a chance to survive and you have a chance to either let it go or embrace and revive.

Excuse the symbolism. It’s not meant to offend but it illustrates my point that there are things that we all brush off, put to side, that internally are eating us up.  No matter how much you think you hide. No matter how much dirt and debris you put over it to try and bury it,  if you don’t deal with it now, it’s going to come back, in some way, shape or form.

Oddly enough, I still woke up pissed. Wide eyed at 4am. Staring at the ceiling. Thinking.

And all day today I’ve heard these stories about people like the pregnant woman who miscarried this past weekend or the father who met his daughter forthe first time in 20+ years or people that are losing their jobs at this time of year. If you ask me, HE brought these problems to my attention for a reason. HE wanted me to put things in perspective.

2009 is 14 days away. You got 2 weeks.

Live. Love. Laugh.

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on December 18, 2008.

3 Responses to “Perspective”

  1. Truest ish I never wrote. You ain’t lyin bro. I think quite a few of us have been having ‘moments’ like this..I know I have.

  2. 🙂 and the way our moments hit us are in ways we will NEVER expect.. I’m there.. and prepared.. to 09.. u better have that drink in 08 with me before I have you drinking seltzer with a splash of cranberry LOL

  3. Exactly. I am dealing with change as we speak. Keep your head up!

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