Old Man Ish

I can’t get a full thought out. I start an entry and can’t finish and it goes into the drafts. I think my brain is frozen.  So I’m just going to babble all over again. Blah Blah Blah B*tches.

First topic…..text messaging. Yeah I do it but I don’t do it  to the point where I have unlimited messaging as part of my phone plan. Nah son. It ain’t that serious. Plus I have a blackberry. Hit me on BB Messenger or send my ass an email. WTF?!  

Here’s what I hate:

I’ve purposely trained my brain to process things quickly. I should see things and think a thought like this *snapping my fingers*. It’s instantaneous. 

See a phat booty in the street. BOOM. I wanna hit that. (I’m saying that’s the first thought – I’m a man damnit but then I might check the face and be like NOOOOOOOOO WAY).

Get my paycheck. BOOM. Figure out if it’s the right amount. Numbers in my head. That’s just how I am. I’m quick on my feet. So when you send me some shit that looks like this:

Can u come abt 2 2 chk da leak n da car?  Come b4 5. TU. CYAL.

How, in the name of literacy, am I supposed to be able to translate that shit quickly?!?!?. I can’t. I see that stuff and it fucks me up. It throws off my whole equilibrium. My brain goes from process quickly to utter confusion in like 2 seconds. I have to stop what I’m doing and stare. It’s like tapping your head and rubbing your stomach. I see two numbers together, I’m trying to solve a problem.  TU?! Tits up?! I mean damn…..(by the way, my cousin wanted me to check the leak in her car but I had to come before 5 because she had to go to work – is that what you got from that gibberish?!?!?!).

My reply: WTF?!?! Resend in English.

Her reply: O. I 4got ur not down.

My reply: O. I 4got ur stupid. Resend.

So it takes her forever to resend the message. Probably because she can’t spell the real words. Or she’s spending her time typing out real words with a phone without a qwerty keyboard. How can you type long messages and full words if you gotta do “555-666-888-33” just to save LOVE. Go get a side.kick or some shit.

As if that wasn’t enough, she sends me to her My.Space page to check out some guy who’s sweating her with notes. Well her introduction is written like this:

SuP Y’aLl, yOu kNoW wHo iT iS. LiVe iN tHe FlEsH, iT’s YoUr GiRl….

As long as it took me to read that,  I’m convinced it took her 100 times longer to type the shit. Is there an easier way to type that other than banging on the SHIFT or CAPS LOCK button for every other letter?!?!? How did her pinkies not cramp up?!

I SwEaR I’m GeTtiNg oLd…….

So I look at one of his messages to her and I see “sup ma, this is big ________, you lookright. let me holla atchu”

*Taking a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale* I can’t even go on. I gotta save my comments on that for another post.

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on November 18, 2008.

15 Responses to “Old Man Ish”

  1. Your reply ‘O. I 4got ur stupid. Resend.” had me lmao…sounds just like something my brother would say to me.

    My male bff said that Myspace is the online world’s dirty street corner where he feels like at any moment, a prostitute is going to proposition him or he’ll be offered fish scale…LMAO!

  2. TU=Tits Up????

    You are so crazy

  3. Oh my, i am literally about to fall out my chair laughing!! coworkers know i’m not working! to funny!

  4. Dear Fresh,

    You are going to pay my house note when I grt fired for LOL way too much at you!!

    Love,
    TIH

  5. Hilarious. Pure Hilarity. I don’t get down with texting either. I too have a blackberry. Just email my azz.

    And how do you get tits up from TU? See……I’m going to have to ask the church to light a candle for your behind.

  6. That ish was 2 drops of pee funny! LMAO!

  7. Brethren, you hit the nail on the head. But what I hate with a friggin passion is people who want to engage you in a full blown conversation via text(all the time) then get aggy when you refuse to accomodate that retardedness…call me or go bout yuh bizniss

  8. That was too funny. I’m alright with texting, just text me proper words. Any of that slang ish and I’m not responding. And how did you get Tits Up from TU? You’re not getting old, people are just getting stranger.

  9. LMAO

  10. What you know about tit’s up, Fresh? That’s that military ish.

    These kids nowadays be confusing me too. Replacing letters w/ numbers and symbols and whatnot. It’s too much!

  11. I refuse to decipher bullshit like the message your friend sent you. Folks have the nerve to get mad when I don’t reply, so I tell them to send it to me in English next time.

  12. @Mzinspired – Fish scale?! HA..Which is why I’m not on myspace

    @Y – Who me?

    @Reign – you gotta disguise the laughter into coughs so your co-workers think you’re sick!!!!

    @TIH – No economic bailout here!

    @Sixty – We might need more than one candle!

    @Shottanix – HAHAHAHA that is true. Full convos are annoying…

    @Sissy – how many drops?!?! LOL

    @Bored – yup people are getting stranger….

    @Kayellejaye – C’mon respect da kid!!!! my pops is military…LOL

    @Leon – welcome homie. Folks get pissed when you don’t reply then try and hit you back like, did you get my message??!?!?

  13. I wonder if a generation from now, right handed humans will have bigger thumbs on the right hand and vice-versa for lefties b/c of this whole texting thing… Maybe the rest of the fingers on our hands will become obsolete. WTF, we got a Black president!

    ’till next time…

  14. It really sucks when your professors and grad directors text you with that stupid shorthand. I’d rather they email me.

  15. I hate those type messages too and then when I don’t reply right back they get all ansy like “did you get my message?” UH yeah but I didn’t understand that mess!! LOL

    LMAO@Tits Up…you are CRAZY!!!!

    But what does TU mean?? lol

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