Don’t be scurred JR, dos, deux, 2 timmmesss!!!

CONTINUING ON…..If you missed the first part, check yesterday’s post.

FEAR #3 –  CLEAR HEELS. STRIPPER POLE. LIL FRESHALINA

 

Do I really need to say more? One of the aforementioned items does not belong. Go ahead sing the song. “one of these kids is doing their own thing…..” Man, as a daddy (not a sperm donator, a full fledged daddy, don’t get it twisted), this has got to be at the top of your list right next to your daughter bringing home the drug dealing thug who just happens to be a she but dresses like a he (read: Snoop from The Wire) or even worse, bringing home Ro.bert K.elly. The great prophet Chris Rock said it best in this clip right here. Start watchin’ at the 2:00 mark (there’s cursing so don’t blast at work)

 

……Gotta keep her off the pole. What he say? “There’s no grading fathers but if your daughter is a stripper…you fucked up”…. LMAOOOOOOOO….. See this is where my warped brain steers me wrong. I tell the little one that she can be whatever she wants to be but I think I have to start putting disclaimers in there. You can be anything you want EXCEPT a stripper, porn star  or a worker in corporate America cause all three cause all three could get you fucked!  You think that’s too harsh?!?!You can’t say that to a youngin’ . As a parent I gotta be supportive right? But can I really honestly say I’ll sit down with her at the table and be like just make sure you shake that ass right and get them dollars girl…heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..or you should get the sheer g-string cause that polyester joint might irritate the skin…… ….ewwwwwwwww……

 

FEAR #4 – CRAZY ASS PSYCHO DUDES/GALS

 

Walking timebombs. Tick Tick Boom bitches. These people will flip in a hot second. They’re quiet. Reserved. Keep to themselves but piss them off. Ka-boom. Remember that chick in Thi.n Li.ne with M.artin L.awrence. Yeah. Ka-boom. Beating themselves up with rocks cause you won’t give them no lovin. Hey, dope boy gets tired too. Crazy. They have imaginary friends AS ADULTS and talk to them on the regular.

 Her: “What you say? You like him. I knew you did”
Me: Huh? Who the hell are you talking to?!?!?!?!? 
Her: “oh that’s Shirley”.
Me: Who and where the hell is Shirley?!?!?!
Her: “Right here. Next to me”
Me: *to myself* I gotta get the hell outta here….now….

I used to work with a bunch of software developers and trust me, these dudes were weird. One guy’s office was just dark. I mean dark. The dude didn’t like the blinds that came with the office so he brought in black sheets and hung them up over the blinds. Weird I tell ya.  I would hate going up in there to ask him a question. Look homie, I try and be nice and befriend everyone but if I see you walk in the office one day in a long black leather trench coat and knee high black military boots and it’s 95 degrees outside, I’m out that bitch faster than a limp dick in a wet pussy. Bottom line. I don’t want to be around when dude snaps and starts bucking people for no damn reason just because someone told him he needed to change the font on his powerpoint slides.

“I told you to use Arial”.
“I like Times New Roman”
Rat tat tat tat tat tat tat…..Nuh uh.

TWO MORE LEFT………I’ll post them in a few…..

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on October 10, 2008.

4 Responses to “Don’t be scurred JR, dos, deux, 2 timmmesss!!!”

  1. LOL.. Fresh thank you for my laughs.. its good for my soul!!! Now buy me a drink LOL

  2. LOL!!! *dead* @ “Oh that’s Shirley”

  3. lol @ “I’m out that bitch faster than a limp dick in a wet pussy”

    KK

    PS: As a software engr, I prefer courier new to Times new roman. They’re the default ascii font. Easier to format notes, and they align better then most fonts… not that u care.

  4. “I told you to use Arial”.
    “I like Times New Roman”
    Rat tat tat tat tat tat tat…..Nuh uh

    I’m a graphic designer so I can TOTALLY relate to this. LOL.

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