Da Randomness.

Random-ness. The brain is all over the place.

(1) Do I really care that Fiddy, M.JB or Ty.ler P.erry are using performance en.hancing drugs? Do I really care if athletes use them either? Look forget enhancing your image or adding years to your career. If you want to take that shit and your dick falls off and your balls shrivel up and your nipples start to peel off, go right the hell ahead. I’m sure it was worth it.

I wonder how many people would actually take that stuff if it helped their career. If I told you that I got some shit to help be a better engineer, director, accountant or whatever you do, it will help you make more money, get notoriety and the like, would you take it? Even if you know there’s a chance, although slim, that you could get caught, would you do it? And then would you be like Ma.rion J.ones all boo-hoo’ing and shit in front of the courtroom because years after you played your husband in the media for taking ‘roids, your ass was taking them too?

And hey, Congress, stop wasting my tax dollars investigating this shit? There’s other pressing issues in America you know. Don’t make me start naming some.

(2) Sometimes I want to divorce my race instead of embracing it. You know what I mean. There are those moments, those events, where you just want to say that you’re from another planet on some T.iger W.oods cablanasian shit. Like when the dudes from J.ena 6 came out on the B.ET awards blinged the fuck out. That was one of those moments. I became a different person. I was Brookamarlogeru (that’s Brooklyn, Maryland and Blogger all wrapped in one. The “u” is just in there to add effect). In case you’re wondering, Brookamarlogeru is just north of Tanzania. That’s what I tell people. And on Friday, I was Brookamarlogeru again when I came out a restaurant lounge and got handed a flier that say “Come Celebrate Martin’s Dream”…Ahhh…then I skimmed through the rest. Some “crew” named The Baller’s of who fucking knows were throwing a Martin Luther King Jr. Jam at a club with Free Drinks until 11pm and free admission to anyone women in a freak’em dress. Yep. That’s what the dream was all about. Dr. K.ing in the club yellin’ “BALLLIIINNNN”…

(3) I’m a one-message type dude. Let me explain. Some people blow you the fuck up with messages for unnecessary shit. First they call. Leave you a message. Then they send you a text. Then an email. And that’s the first hour. When you finally call them back, they either forgot why the hell they blew you up or it’s for something useless. Can’t stand it. Then they want to go and put timelines on their shit. “Yo, Fresh, I need you to call me back ASAP”. Fuck a ASAP. Then when I call back they ask me for the number to the Chinese food place. Never heard of 4-1-1 or text to G.oogle. So my rules are I leave you one message and that’s it. (that’s if it’s not important). I send you one text or email and that’s it. I’m not hunting you down for stuff I can probably find out myself.

(4) Sooooooooo….I’m in the G.AP buying the shorty some clothes and use up these gifts cards she got for X.mas. I pick up a shirt and I’m like well damn, this joint kinda big for 6 year old. Pick up the next shirt, same shit. Now I know I’m not crazy. So I ask the lady did they start making clothes bigger now or is it the style? She says no. They sell PLUS SIZES for kids. Are you kidding me?!?!? PLUS SIZES for a 6 year old. How come we just band-aid problems and don’t fix the root cause? They need to start selling treadmills to the lil’ cheeseburgers.

(5) I curse a lot in this blog but I really don’t do it outside of the internet. I wonder if my cursing on here turns off some of the readers. Ehhh….

(6) One of these weeks, months, I’m going post something erry-day.

(7) I’m really REALLY having a hard time trying to understand why so many black folk hate on O.bama?

(8) A few of the boys and I go the W.izards games pretty frequently (when we can and our other duties don’t interfere). After the game, we have somewhat of a ritual. A few spots we’ll hit for drinks, talk shit about women, you know…the usual. But this past weekend, we went to a different spot only because another friend of ours was there. At this spot there were a few of the W.izards there. Let me say this, g-r-o-u-p-i-e-s. But that’s expected right? So there were quiet a few women, some old and looked like they had sense, that lost their mind. Screaming at the top of their damn lungs “Oh my God….GA I love you. Oh my God, I’m your #1 fan”. Okay, who says that anymore?!?  I’m your #1 fan?!?!? I saw girls slip their numbers to the “ballers”.  It’s all good. Whatever floats your boat.

So as we’re watching this tossing down the drinks, my boy tells me that there is a website that groupies get on that talk about the different athletes.



And he’s right. There’s a website (and no I will not provide a link to it because I don’t want shit tracking back to me) where women will post comments about an athlete. Is he big? Is he little? Is he married? To who? Does he have kids? Does he have STDs? I mean the joint puts dudes on blast. It’ll have comments like “yeah I fucked him in his truck” or “he’s married with 2 kids but his wife ugly and do this to him. He likes it”  Unreal.

Of course I read that stuff with a grain of salt because why would you really put that stuff on blast like that but still a revelation. I guess it’s part of being in the public spotlight.

What if they had sites like that for regular joes like us? People can post about their “experience” with you. “Yeah, I used to fuck with Fresh. We are talking about the Fresh from Brooklyn right? With the hang nail in his pinky toe on his left foot?!?! Yeah, we did it in back of his boy’s Denali  a few times cause Fresh car was in the shop. He likes when you lick his ear and recite the lyrics to B.ig P.oppa. And if he don’t eat no dessert like cookies and shit after you finish doing him, that means he ain’t like it. ”



~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on January 23, 2008.

18 Responses to “Da Randomness.”

  1. not dessert. you are on drugs! i know you are!! i just know it!! lmao @ this post. maaaan i am always just checkin out spots and happen to be in the same place as whatever sports team is big in the city where i am. the groupies are so loose. one started doing A MICHAEL JA.CKSON DANCE COMPLETE WITH THE MOONWALK for a group of steeler.s players crowded around her. my jaw dropped to the floor. mad @ the kiddie plus size. my sister sent me a text and an email for my cousins number. if you wanted it that bad you would’ve called someone else. stop it. and can your repeat what you said to congress? thanks.

  2. OH? You aint know there was a site for regular dudes huh? Well there is…it’s called something like dontdatehimgirl.com LOL!

    Brookamarlogeru LOL! Adding the “u”…Stoooooooooooopid!

    I don’t know why folks hate on Obama either. I heard one sister say something like, “he hasn’t impressed me in debates, so I doubt he’ll get my vote.” I asked her well who is she impressed by then…*blank stare* I don’t get it either.

  3. I feel you on that one message thing. I have a friend (girl) who is juuuuuust like that and it aggrivates me! And then when I do call her back and she remmebers, it’s always some bullshit…usually about a guy.

    And, uh…plus sizes for a six year old? Yeah, I never had that option. Someone get these kids into a Pop Warner program, soccer or something.


    @2: Times like that is when my mom represents for our native american family. She’d say somethin like “Them your people girl. I’m a First American.” LOL

    @5: If they can’t stand the heat, f**k ’em. Then again, my mouth is way overdue for a good scrubbin with soap.

  5. Why are you a NUT?!?!? LMAO!!!

    Ok…I soo want to check out this site…I bet it is FUH-UH-NEE!! I’m gonna have to google it…lol

    Plus sizes for kids?? That is CRAZY!!! LOL@They need to start selling treadmills to the lil’ cheeseburgers.

    OH and yes…watch yo back @ BR…its gangsta up in there…LMAO!!

  6. Ha! Dessert huh? I’ll have to check for that finale the next time I get to do the nastee.

    Don’t date him girl- I had to put a dude on blast on that site. He was a psychopath. It was my civic duty. But the athlete site? If I can’t find it on google I’m hitting you up for the Addy.

  7. @2 You don’t have your papers drawn up already? Yeah. Neither do I. But sometimes, Lawd sometimes! I guess we were the last to know that Dr. King dreamt of us getting our drink on! Patting my weave as we speak. Ok-k-k!

    @4 A.Damn.Shame!

  8. Lmao@ Plus sizes for kids….my son is 10 and I thought he was small for his age (80 pounds) and then I went to his school and there are 5th graders weighing in at 190 pounds and they look at my kid like he’s unusual cause he don’t wear “husky” clothes….lol

  9. I’m with you on the one message. I can’t stand people who do that. Obviously I was busy if i didn’t answer the first time…give me a chance. I can’t believe they started making plus sizes for kids…Damn. @#5 its your blog, if they don’t like they don’t have to read it.

  10. Fresh…drop the site off my way. I wanna see! Shit, I ain’t got nothing better to do than to laugh at a ‘balla’.

    Plus size clothes for kids…i believe it. I mean GAP is about business, sounds like a savvy business move to me.

    Rev. Momma is a serial caller. She even calls when she doesn’t ‘know’ she called, so I got a recording of her keys in her purse, pens, and lose earrings giggling in my ear. Old folks and cell phone…should be an age cap.


  11. You are so lucky I was hard at work yesterday cause had I read this….I would have driven down the turnpike and beat your azz for this post.

    Plus size for kids? Remember “husky” clothes? LMAO Some kids need OSAG.

    Texting? Calling? Those are your single friends right? Mmm hmmm.

    Groupies? I will have to do a groupie post soon. And yes, there are normal guy websites so I am about to google search you right now and see what comes up. Be warned 🙂

  12. Ahhh…then I skimmed through the rest. Some “crew” named The Baller’s of who fucking knows were throwing a Martin Luther King Jr. Jam at a club with Free Drinks until 11pm and free admission to anyone women in a freak’em dress. Yep. That’s what the dream was all about. Dr. K.ing in the club yellin’ “BALLLIIINNNN”…

    that hangnail thing mighta been a bit too much

  13. WOW. why am i tempted to find that site? lol.

    man i have divorced black people so many times it’s not even funny. and you must be popular cause no one sends me multiple messages in one day. lol.

    black people really need to stop hating on obama. i really really don’t get it either. really.

    and plus sized clothes for kids? get outta here. how bout they take the Wii/xbox/playstation away and get them outside to PLAY. when i was little i was a little stick, as well as all the other little kids i knew. america should be ashamed.

  14. LMAO!! Not if he dont eat no dessert after he didnt like it…CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING!! It’s official…you’re a nut!!!

    Plus sizes for the babies…TAKE ME OFF!!!

    Send me the link to that site you know I enjoys a good laugh HA!

    Just coming through to see what’s good with my folks. *two fingas*

  15. I’ma call you killer. Cause you slay me! LOL
    1. I’m sure it would be legalized by now if the common folks could benefit from it.
    2. I’ve divorced and remarried so many times, I feel like Elizabeth Taylor.
    4. Nineteen’s right. Husky was it, but it wasn’t in the hot stores. Question: Isn’t that enabling?
    7. See number 2. Definitely grounds for filing.

  16. Your sense of humor cracks me up.

  17. My mouth is just hanging the fuck wide open at #2. A freakum dress?

    Wow… A plus size for a six year old… I’m floored… Back in the day you had to go FIND the husky sizes. Now you gotta go find the “young” clothes?

    I don’t get the whole hate on Obama thing either. What the hell did he do to them? And how the hell do you miss the bar for being black if your ancestry is not primarily caucasian or real asian? Last I checked he was 50% heritage wise. Oh… my bad. I am talking about something completely different than his haters ain’t I?

    Man you know if them bank teller roids was out there we wouldn’t have ATMs! You could take some stuff that makes you push twice the paper as your every day garden variety bureaucrat then you know it would be on! The best can stocker in Wal-Mart? I can see folk doing it!

  18. Yep. That’s what the dream was all about. Dr. K.ing in the club yellin’ “BALLLIIINNNN”…

    This is too funny and sad at the same time.

    I am new here. I come here from a link on She’s So Flyy blog. This is the first blog I read by you and I see myself being here more often. I love the randomness.

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