Barbershops, Flat Butts and the “Eve”

I can’t believe I’m up at work today.

Matter of fact, I can’t believe this place is even open. I have serious issues with the lack of holiday recognition here. When more than 90% of your employees take off on Christmas Eve, you should close. But nooooooooo this is what happens when you have upper management that runs the company and have no family, kids, or even potential significant others. Until any of those happen, employee satisfaction will not be at the top of the list. Maybe I’ll get an email at 3pm telling me to go home early. Wooo-hooooo.

For some reason this year, it has taken A LOT for me to get in the spirit. I started my shopping this past weekend, literally, left my house at 8pm on Saturday night to start shopping. Destination: Tar-jay. Let’s just say it was adventurous. Speaking of which, if I was single, I would go to Tar-jay to meet women. (but I’ll save that for a Fresh Five)

I could have damn near went shopping at the barbershop early Saturday though. It was like a street vendor carousel up in that piece. DVDs, CDs, jewelry, clothing. You name it. I even learned a new slang word. I don’t buy bootleg movies ( just cause I don’t) but the guys kept saying “This joint is Block.buster”. So in my head I’m like WTF? Then I finally caught on……

I tried to get some gifts this year that actually meant something but weren’t necessarily requested. Like wifey’s nephew will be graduating soon so we got him a power interview suit. Or the relative that quit work to pursue her dreams and is struggling at times – so people chipped in to pay a month’s worth of bills (which thankfully isn’t a lot) and bought grocery gift cards. But you know, after all of that, somebody is gonna see their present and be upset. Ungrateful heathens….

I had a few women on my list to shop for. No, it’s not what you’re thinking. These women were wifey, the sis, ma dukes, sis-in-law. The sis wanted clothes. Most college kids do. A nice pair of jeans and a top. That’ll do. How hard can it be for find a nice pair of jeans for a curvy 20 year old?!?!?! FUGGIN’ IMPOSSIBLE. Gave me a damn headache. All I can find were size 0’s and 2’s or wait….24’s and 25’s….I need like two of those stitched together. Now I’ve shopped for wifey before. I know how to put a look together but it just seemed impossible this weekend and maybe it was because it was the weekend before but the selection was limited. Not only that, a lot of clothes in some place seem real borderline trashy…..I’m not putting anyone in that stuff……

Speaking of shopping, I hate ignorant retailer workers. I know most men seem lost in women stores but you don’t have to follow me around asking me if I need help every 5 seconds. Be out!!!!!!!

I saw a whole rack of men in Vi.ctoria’s S.ecret………….Some of y’all gonna be skin bumping this week…

I don’t know about any of you but I’m a big “follow your instincts” person. So when something doesn’t feel right, I’ll either leave that situation or step back with caution. Oddly enough, it doesn’t take much to ignite the internal warning signs. It could be something like a statement said by a person to even how they say it.

I’m at the Shack of Radio (flip the words around to get the real store) looking for a remote control car for my godson. I find the car, no problems. Still needing other gifts I look around the Shack to see what I can find. There are a few other electronic items on Santa’s list. Ah ha, the portable GPS. Now I’m a techie so that means I usually do mad research before a purchase. But I’ll admit, I’ve slacked on Xmas shopping and at this point I just want to buy and roll. I let the little M.exican dude talk me into a particular GPS. Once I buy the joint, I had this ill feeling but I leave the store and go into the next store which I think was Be.be…..I set off the alarm. I leave the store, set off the alarm again. Hmmm…hit the next store…alarm goes off……So now I’m like ok, I gotta go back to Shack of Radios and get this sensor taken off. I walk in and the little Me.xican dude is like they don’t have a de-sensor thing so he’s gotta run to next door to the bookstore. Hmmmm….He comes back, says he has to take it in the back and comes out like 5 minutes later -giving me my bag. I open the bag and the box is all beat up. I look inside and the GPS the plastic is ripped and the seal that says if broken, pay 15% restocking fee is cut. So now I’m like WTF. I take it right back to dude like yo’ you broke the seal, I don’t want it. Now all of a sudden, I get the “c’mon bro, are you serious blah blah blah”. Now we’re homies? After hearing him b*tch, he took it back and gave me my money back. Out of curiosity, I get home and do a search on what I would have bought. Reviews were horrible and it was an outdated GPS. Instincts I tell ya…

And the award for dumbest sh*t move this weekend goes to….img00194.jpg

What’s wrong with that picture? (click on it to make it bigger)

I’m chillin’ tonight. A nice glass or two or three of N.avan (www.navanworld.com/navan.htm) on rocks watching A Ch.ristmas S.tory.

Have a good holiday! Don’t shoot your eye out!!!

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on December 24, 2007.

11 Responses to “Barbershops, Flat Butts and the “Eve””

  1. Happy Holidays Ralphie…. I mean Fresh, LOL.

    They at least let us shut down at noon and we’re 24 hours man. Your job = SCROOGE

  2. I hate Christmas.

    Bah humbug! And I’m still not done with my shopping.

  3. ooh! that looks delish! This joint is Block.buster?? still don’t get that. i’m starting to hate shopping. i just don’t like pressure or to be rushed. (acting like i didn’t know this holiday was coming all year)

  4. lmao @ IT’S BBUSTER.. LMAO HAHAHAAAA

    Umm yeah I’m waiting for PART 2 when u finish.. and errr you shoulda told me you were shopping for your sis.. filene’s homey!!! and errrr merry christmas! I’m off till Jan 2nd.. we don’t have scrooges.. quality of life homey!

  5. Blockbuster, meanin they stole the dvds from blockbuster? And in this day and age, what store doesnt have one of those sensor removal doohickeys? Oh yea, and what dude doesnt know about the swap n cut (aka ya local barber shop). On a good day you could cop a new outfit, some dvd’s, an engagement ring and a fresh cut all in the same room…and yea…did that toyota think he was in the turning lane? Last time I checked, I thought the double yellow lines meant no passing?

  6. I’m not going to even laugh at the car, because I wound up driving down the wrong side of the street this week, trying to maneuver my way through downtown chaotic roads, with the mounds of construction they were doing and signs that weren’t really pointing to the correct place to turn.

    I don’t do Christmas, but I do recommend gift cards for women. Your sis wanted clothes? Ask her for the place she buys a lot from, and get a gift card to it. It would reduce the pressure you get trying to find something she likes, and also give her the opportunity to shop. Women like to shop.

  7. Ummm, clearly someone was not paying attention…but wait while coming from the outlets this weekend, there was a car driving on the opposite side of the road with incoming traffic coming its way…MAAAAAAAAAN…it was craziness. Tis the season right??

    Happy Holidays!!

  8. man i spent waaaay too much on christmas. the crowded mall got on my NERVES. whew. hope yours was fantabulous!

  9. Happy Holidays ya royal Freshness!

  10. What is with people driving on the wrong side of the street. Christmas morning, dud was flying down my street on the wrong damn side. Only after I honk my horn at him does he have the ‘oh shit’ look on his face and swerve to the right side. Pay attention people , a car is deadly weapon.

    Brarn thanks for clearing up the blockbuster thing. I was sitting here completely clueless.

  11. Awww.see, dude wasn’t even right for the fugged up GPS..lol. Ewww, na.vant? Gross – it tastes like Henny with syrup.HA!

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