Cerebral Exodus

I tried to come up with a title that’s different for Random Thoughts and that’s the best I could do BUT my sex-on-the-brain-24-7 behind says that title could also be used to describe an oral action releasing satisfaction………Anyway, let’s get into it….

1 – Stop harassing me to buy some stale ass chocolate for little Becky’s school fundraiser. “But Fresh, if you don’t buy it, Becky won’t be the top seller in the school for the 4th year in a row”….Sooooooooo the f*ck what……

2 – I can’t front. I’m not a big fan of snow nor freezing cold. I’m a summer baby (August in the house!). I guess after living in Bah-ston for a few years and going to school upstate NY, I’ve had more than my fair share of snowy winters…..

3 – I sat in traffic so long this morning, I remixed every song that came on the radio and related it to the weather or wanting to be home. Here’s some samples…….

Instead of M.ary J singing “J.ust F.ine”, it became Funky Fresh “Just Drive”……

So you’re beeping at me cause I really can’t see
You’re in the blind spot in my mirror
Trying flash your lights, wasting time in my life
Ain’t concentrating where you steering
Catching a damn headache, already 2 hours late
My boss ain’t trying to hear me
You see I can’t change lanes, I’m just stuck so…..

Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Mooooove
Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Mooove

I also did J. Ho.liday “Bed”….I called it “Head” …”Rather be at home getting some head, head, head….getting some head, head, hee-ead”. I’m telling you EVERY SINGLE SONG.

4 – At my job there are two places for people to park. In the back of the building or in the public parking garage. The public garage is covered and it’s about a block away. The back of the building isn’t covered. You pay for one (the public). The other is a privilege and based on seniority at the company and you need management approval. So we’ve had a couple of senior people leave lately and a few spots are available. Yo, people go CRAZY for these parking spots and I really don’t see the big deal. Me, I’ll walk the block and it’s covered parking, so on days like today, I won’t be out there wiping snow of my car. More importantly for me, people can’t see when you come in to the office 🙂 Call me scheming but if I park out back, people can look out the window to see if I’m at work yet or not. Hell, that’s what I do. Not to mention, I really don’t want fuggas knowing what I drive. So having some seniority here now I get called and ask about an available spot. I say “let me think about it”, knowing that I probably don’t want it but it’s worth consideration. In the interim, the VP of HR (who controls the list) has let a few of her peoples park there. No big deal right? Well, today I find out from our receptionist (good lookin’ out homie) that these people have complained to HR that I or any one from my group shouldn’t get a parking spot in the back because of our schedules. HUH? I mean sometimes I have meetings off site. Sometimes I travel but it’s not everyday. And who the f*ck are you to suggest that I shouldn’t get a spot because of my job, not because of my seniority but my job?!?!?!?!. These people have only been there at most 1 year and they trying to flex on me for a parking spot. A flippin’ parking spot?!?! I’m seriously considering being Joe A.sshole here and saying I want the spot….

5 – D.on I.mus is back on the radio with a black supporting cast. Go figure…His first guest should have been F.arr.akhan. Second guest…the Ru.tgers team and every show for the first week should discuss issues in the African American community….

6 – J.esse J.ackson was at Se.an T.aylor’s funeral walking down with the family. How does Je.sse end up at these places? Je.sse preaches non-violence. That’s all fine and dandy. This is not a knock on Se.an Ta.ylor but black men die everyday due to black on black crime or the B.lack K.K.K as J.ason Wh.itlock called it but Je.sse only seems to show up at places where there’s a news camera (read: media). Does anyone know if he shows up at other places? Philly and Washington DC (and other areas) have extreme issues with homicide. Has he been there? (I’m really asking because I don’t know)

7 – That 2.girls.1.cup shit is the nastiest shit I’ve seen in a long but those dumb asses were doing it for fun. Ole girl in West Virginia was FORCED to do it. Something is f*cking wrong in our society.

8 – Ummm…excuse Ms. Fast Ass driving the White Escalade. Obviously there was a reason why I slowed down and came to a complete stop. But nooo, since you’re Ms. Fast Ass in a big truck, you want to blow your horn at me a few times because I stopped moving. Then you go around me, only to find out why the fugg I and other cars stopped. Maybe it had something to do with the sheet of ice the road crews and police were treating on the overpass. But you found out the hard way when you spun and hit that guard rail. Glad you’re okay (I saw her get out the car) but next time, slow yo’ roll.

9 – Overhead in the elevator today at work:

Him: Whew man it’s cold out there…..

Me: Maybe if you’re ass didn’t wear shorts and a flimsy ass sweatshirt, it might not be THAT cold.

I tell you. “They” never cease to amaze me.


~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on December 5, 2007.

16 Responses to “Cerebral Exodus”

  1. I’ve noticed that Jesse at particular funerals thing too. It’s like every Black going to trial would have loved for Johnny Cochran to show up as their attorney or advisor (read: a solid win). Dang, I bet Escalade was shamed, but she won’t be try’na show out no mo’. Finally, I am outdone with the “Making of Fresh” and those lyric remixes. You are clever with yours. I saw take the spot so no one else can claim it, but inadvertantly keep parking a block up. When folk see you around the office, but failed to see your ride you will learn a few things: 1)Who is sweating you and what you drive and what time you enter the building/lot. It’s yours for the taking it doesn’t mean you have to “remember” to park there. That’ll learn them…

  2. Drive, Drive, Drive Just Drive……oh I’m sorry, where was I? I have that damned song stuck in my head. Thanks.

    Take the spot. Free parking is free parking. Money saved!!!!!

    As for the 2 girls 1 cup….I know what it involves, I REFUSE to watch a video. NASTY HEFFAS.

    As for your J.Holiday remix…..I’m calling Mrs. Fresh…..

  3. the sweatshirts/tee shirts/flip flops/no socks when its snowing outside is so ridiculous. you KNOW its gonna snow today. waaaaaaack. i say take the spot. you wanna hate? let me take that lil problem off your hands. and now reveling in the spot. but i hate cleaning snow off.

  4. LOL…I saw one of THEM on the train today with a coat, hat, gloves and then muhfukkin FLIPFLOPS!!! I don’t effin get it!!!

    I heard about the 2 girls/1 cup video. I don’t need to see it. The mental visual was enough. *gags*

  5. PS: I agree with 1969 TAKE THE PARKING SPOT!!

  6. I’ve been lurking for a bit.

    Why do folks with SUV’s in the DC area think they’re immune to snow, sleet, rain and black ice? I sat in traffic for an hour and 45 minutes yesterday too bad I didn’t think to start changing the lyrics of songs for entertainment.

  7. I always buy at least one of whatever my co-workers are selling for their kids. Because come Girl Scout cookie time, I’m stalking ya! Chasin folks down the halls screamin “Hey I know you like chocolate. I seen your black a** husband. You better buy these Thin Mints!”

    Passed by a jogger two days ago… ’bout 45 degrees outside. He’s got on a knit hat, jacket, gloves, and SHORTS. Crazy.

  8. HAHAHA! Good for the lady in the truck, I hate people that drive trucks that drive like a-holes. ‘They’ always amaze me! Shorts+Winter = stupid white person, next!..lol

  9. Take the spot and park in the lot any damn way! LOL. That’ll learn ’em.

    ‘They’ used to wear that mess up at school. Shorts, sneakers, and a hoodie. ‘We’ on the other hand, would have on jeans, (over thermals) 40 belows, snorkels, hat, gloves, scarves and anything else we could manage. They’d be looking at us like we were crazy!

  10. You know I feel you about the traffic…almost 3 hours in traffic. Ridiculous!!!

    That Just Drive song is now stuck in my head…lol…thanx!

  11. Oh, gosh. I have this one chick at my job who is always pushing something or the other for her daughters.

    One day it was candy, the next it was a damn survey…*sigh*

    Man, good parking is hard to find. Grab that!

  12. Company parking spots? What kind of seditty job do you have? Oh the luxary!

    Dead at “Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Mooooove
    Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Mooove”

    I’m linking you to my blog because you bring me so much joy on these cold December morings.

  13. “….Sooooooooo the f*ck what……” That is my favorite thing of the whole post. That and that dumb cow in the Escalade! Just cause you got 4 wheel drive don’t mean we ALL don’t have 4 wheel brakes!

  14. 2girls1cup…my life will never be the same. One girl was forced to do it? Well, hell I would hope so and not to do that for “fun” or “pleasure”. Enough said.

    I generally hate people, but when those hated people are driving cars….I want to vaporize them. Rage ain’t the word.

    J.esse Ja.ckson- aiight I respec that he has been a constant since the 60’s. He ain’t perfect or even a role model. He has a job. He has a family to feed and women to fuck and impregnate. Therefore the media is his pimp so he shakes his ass and makes his money. Its easy to see, this is his job….make money for himself…not justice. I do enjoy the Saturday morning service at Rainbow Push here in Chicago. The people around him are committed and do it for free. I support them not him.

  15. That 2 girls mess was so disturbing I didn’t even tell anyone about it. Didn’t want them looking at me sideways!

  16. you are so silly for remixing those songs. had me cracking up. lol. and that video is seriously the nastiest thing i’ve ever seen. yuck.

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