Boo Yourself…..

I’m an undercover conspiracy theorist and with that I’m not a big fan of Halloween.

Halloween is like Valentine’s Day. Both “holidays” are controlled by big business. Since it’s not February, we won’t talk about Valentine’s Day but Halloween……candy makers, costume sellers and……dentists are happy as hell right now.

Think I’m lying….Look at this picture…..

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That’s Hershey’s stock price. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to see that the line is going up around Oct 29th. Could be a coincidence? You buy the candy to eat and give to kids. We eat so much of it, we get cavities. We visit the dentists. We pay our co-pay (if we have insurance) but then the insurance companies G off. Ehhh…this is America right? Big business wins.

Tomorrow there will be an email sent out from someone “Extra Halloween candy in the break room“……..which means they bought more candy than kids that showed up at the crib.

Don’t worry, I’m not about to start teaching my conspiracy theories to the kid. I understand that this “holiday” is a part of her childhood (but as soon as she learns how to spell ‘conspiracy’ on some A.keelah and the Bee shit, IT’S ON. Uhh, no precious, it’s conspiracy not constirawary……

Halloween in the ‘burbs is different from Halloween in the city. You didn’t go house to house. You went apartment to apartment – in your building. You wouldn’t go outside and if you did, you stayed on your block. Yo, back in the day, in NYC, kids feared for their life on Halloween. Kids would go to school every single day EXCEPT Halloween. Halloween was rough. Shit was a battle. You did not go to school in your freshest gear. You left that shit at home and went to school in your to’ up shit ready for battle. Guaranteed your bus got “egged”, maybe you got egged. They would put Neet in eggs and toss that shit. Crazy. Whip cream. Toilet paper. Socks. Powder. Shit was real.

I had to flex my parental prowess on the shorty this year. I got my G.eorge B.ush on and vetoed a costume. Nope. I don’t give a damn who H.annah M.ontana is (for those who don’t know, do a Google search). Short skirt. Fishnet stockings. A Blonde wig. HELL TO THE NAW. She would have looked like Lil’ Kim. Not having it. And we all know that shit starts early. So what it’s a costume but if I don’t intervene now, that costume could be her regular outfit one day. What did Chris Rock say? Gotta keep the girls off the pole. Plus Ms. M.ontana is a bit lighter than us. Just a tad. And we don’t have enough bleach for that……..

Thankfully, it’s only a day. I’ll survive as long as I don’t hear Thriller 100 billion times.

Guess what my costume is? Today, I’m a black man pretending to like Corporate America.

Trick or treat bee-atches.

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on October 31, 2007.

12 Responses to “Boo Yourself…..”

  1. I totally feel you on not really diggin’ the day Fresh…

    [If not for my seven year old whose been looking forward to this day since this day last year *SIGH*] I swear I’d have given up on this a loooooonnnng time ago.

    This year, I actually took the day off from work so I could take him trick-or-treating earlier in the day.

    I just made it back home [only moments ago] and hell if I didn’t spy with my brown eye(s) [on the way back] some local teenagers with cartons of eggs, a bag of potatoes and flour poured in socks.

    So yeah…It’s bout to be on in these parts [old skool style].

  2. Halloween was a guaranteed cut/stay home/run for the border day. We had similar costumes, Fresh. This year, I pretended I was the department secretary! LOL.

  3. Halloween in Brooklyn was never a fun day. As you said, you just wanted to get to school and back without getting killed.

    At Tech, Halloween week also was “Freshman Friday”….the day where Freshmen got their butts kicked, egged, etc. Scary ish.

    As for Hannah Montana? HELLZ NAW. I am with you on that one. LOL

  4. Hysterical. My daughter was Hannah Montana yesterday and after buying the cheap ass costume and putting on my child who is clearly not white in that her adolescent ass and thighs are nothing like that skinny little white girl. My bad. Poor parenting on my part, I can admit when I’m wrong.

    I went to Boys & Girls. You were safe as hell in the school, but you better wrap that dubie up in a scarf b/c niggas on the block threw frozen eggs and nair at your ass!

  5. I completely agree about the candy collecting in the apartment building. Never stepped my foot off the block when that time came around.

    But I somehow missed the Neet eggs, lol. What are those?

  6. I went to school in Bensonhurst right next to a cemetary. The White kids used to hide behind tombstones to throw Neet and rotten fruit/veggies at the Black kids on the way to the train station. This is what I heard anyway…cause my Black ass knew to stay home on Halloween. hmmmph!

  7. Ok see I’m still laughing at the Hannah Montana thing.. OH MY!!!

    Man halloween in BK was SOOO NOT FUN.. eggs with razors, neet, all that crazy shyt!!! I wore a skully all the time!!!!

    my kids weren’t too mad at me by the evening.. I said halloween costume and trick or treating or going to the mall and get some new kicks.. Hahahaaaaaaa

  8. Y’all got a different thing going on in N’Yawk!

    Around here it was about a bunch of malcontents trying like hell to burn the damn city down the night before. Now it is a 6 p.m. curfew for erebody under 18. I mean they on some martial law shit. The other day my nephew’s god brother was talking to me one minute in my kitchen and in a police car not two minutes later! (The dumbass…)

    I used to hear stories about the shit my pops did when he was a kid. Torch a bag of shit on at somebody’s door and ring the bell. Tie a dark string on two garbage cans sitting across the street from each other.

    But LMAO at Hannah Montana. A black child trying to dressup like Mouseketeer Britney Spears? That is just precious!!!

  9. thanks for not letting your child dress like a skanky white teen! i never experienced that halloween “mischief.” burbs all of my concious life. i was so making fun of one of my coworkers who had on a suit the other day. “are you an adult for halloween??” hahahahahahaha. i don’t do halloween either.

  10. I don’t mind Valentine’s Day because it’s an excuse to brand someone your “Valentine” and fuck them silly but Halloween?

    TALK ABOUT SOME BULLSHIT!

    Beggin ass kids in dumb ass costumes going from house to house asking for candy? Having a day to be all “scary” and shit. Adults dressing up like they ain’t got a damn bit of sense?

    How fucking stupid as hell.

  11. I love halloween. V-day is for suckers!

    I’m with you on the Hannah Montana thing (though I confess to watching the show). You’re little brown girl could have been Dora the Explorer or something.

  12. I’m with you – that shyt is the devil’s holiday..lol.. The devil being the Man!

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