I’m not a foodie…..

Let that be clear.

I’m no food conneisseur. I don’t watch the food network. G. G.arvin looks like a cross between G. L.evert and LL C.ool J.

I won’t say I’m completely boring because I’ll try new things but once I find a good meal at a restaurant, that’s pretty much it for me. It’ll be a repeat performance almost everytime I go there. Predictable huh?

Certain foods have an “acquired” taste right? So it may take me a while to accept it. Other foods, I’m just not fucking with. Remember when I told you dude at b.ugs b.unny?!?!? Yeah, not the kid.

So sales reps like to wine and dine muddafuggas to get a “deal” and some reps are real ummmm eclectic. So when they suggest a restaurant, I immediately raise a flag because I need to know if I’m hitting the drive thru before or afterwards.

Today, we go to lunch and the consensus decided on where we were going while I was working, so when we pull up at the spot, I’m like oh okay, guess we’re eating Chinese.

Question: What’s the first thing (or two or three) you should do when you walk in a brand new restaurant?

Here are things I do BEFORE I even park my ass in  seat.

1- Scour the spot. See if it’s clean. Sometimes I even hit the restroom just to see.

2-Look for someone eating and stare at their damn food like they just stole something from my mama. If they’re not eating their food, something is wrong. Seriously wrong.

3 – Ask to see a menu and see if I can decipher that shit. (Side note: I hate when I go into a restaurant like Chinese and the shit is written in Chinese and I try to pronounce the damn food sounding like an idiot – YES umm, can I have the Pad Kee Mao Sen Lek please…..what? the Pad Key Mow Sin Lick ….what? ….ah hell let me get a number 42.

So when I walk into the spot at lunch today, I do #1 and #2 and immediately want to get the fuck outta dodge. The place looked suspect. The bathroom was just that…a bathroom…singular….not a restroom. I didn’t even want to take a piss in that joint. And when I looked at people eating their food, everyone had a full plate. No one was really “digging” into their shit. So when I go to the table to sit down, I look at the rep like yo, dude, I can’t eat here. He picks up on my signal. He has a bad vibe too and we roll to Applebee’s.

Later in the day, I see one of the customers running in and out of the lab. I’m lookint at dude like WTF? Turns out he ate Chinese.

See Fresh intuition is worth not having an upset stomach and a date with the porcelain G.od.


~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on September 25, 2007.

13 Responses to “I’m not a foodie…..”

  1. Damn. It’s a good thing you went with your instinct. I’m a bit of a foodie and love trying new things, but I always have to scope a place out before I eat there. Food poisoning is not hot.

  2. Happy you went with your intuition, bubble guts are not sexy!

  3. LOL, I can dig it! A couple of Thai spots around my job have been written up for ‘unsanitary conditions’ so I am taking your advice and doing some serious checking before I order.

  4. that’s gross. i’m def. a foodie. and extra picky sometimes. but hey, that’s my right.

  5. You know I am a foodie but bad food is unacceptable. Good move getting out of there before the stomach rage hit later in the day.

  6. Oh you’re good! I am usually pretty adventurous when it comes to food. I like different stuff.

  7. LMAO.. you know my mind just flashed back to the incident at the food court!!! LOL

    Yeah cause you know I woulda been callin you bout ey yo.. you good? LOL u need some of da pink stuff? LOL

  8. Am a definite foodie, ate bugs bunny and all. LOL
    When I go out it has to be clean and sanitary, if not that is a problem am not eating.

  9. this is funny. i don’t trust chinese food in general. but that’s just me. i’m no foodie either. lol.

  10. I feel ya. Some things are just necessary you know? Very necessary: sanitary restaurants, menus with descriptions so I know wwhat the “Mao” is in “Pad Kee Mao Sen Lek”.

  11. LMAO!!! Yeah I am funny about where I eat and where I lay my head at night. Restuarants and Hotels…don’t fuk around with me yo!!!

    One time a co-worker who was vietnamese convinced me against my better judgement to join him at his favorite restuarant…the placed served a vietnamese delicacy called “Pho” pronounced Fa LOL!! I knew it was a bad call with my weak stomach and low tolerance for cultures that eat cat and dog but I tried to play it cool. He order my Pho for me…veggies no meat…and I swear to Gawd that I was drink someone’s lukewarm bathwater. Yo, I tasted it and he is watching me and I am tryin to play it cool but as my mind decided what it tasted like I felt it coming back up and I turned my head just as it did. Lesson…go with your instinct…ALWAYS!

  12. LMAO! That was a funny post! I’m a foodie for sure. Mexican, Thai, Italian, American, Jamaican, Ethiopian….are all good. Not really a fan of Chinese…it seem like whenever I eat it I’m either gasy as all hell or hungry within an hour. Chinese can be suspect for sure….

  13. Let’s go to Hell’s Kitchen!

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