Friday Follicles

Seriously, I was reaching for something to post today until this happened…..

 I’m standing in line at Tar-jay this morning right and in front of me were two females. Well, they were both born females but one looked a lil too manly if you ask me. Anyway, I automatically assumed they were together – like a couple together – (yes I know one’s a femme, one’s a dom) okay. The feminine one had a phatty. Fresh sees this and immediately makes eye contact. “Damn, she hittin’ that” <—My thoughts.

Someone gets on line in back of me, so I glance to see who it is. That’s a habit. I think I’m part time paranoid. (that NYC shit) Gotta know who’s behind me, in front of me, to the side of me in case some shit go down. So what I’m in Target. That’s how it be!!! Anyway, I see it’s another female. No time to size her up. Gotta get back to focus on the phatty (inconspicously of course).

When I turn back around, I see the manly looking one is getting pissed and she’s got this loud whisper going on. She telling her girl that she’s getting sick of this shit. I think she’s talking about waiting in line because we were up there mad long. But then she turns around and raises her voice “You keep looking at my girl and I’ma fuck you up!!!”

I’m looking down at the gum at the time but when I hear that I’m like oh shit, is she talking to me? Now what the hell are you gonna do Fresh? Let her punk you like that? What if she start swinging? Do I swing back and tell her to take it like a man? What if I get fucked up by this chick? I can’t ever come back in this Target again in my life. Finally I decide if she swings, I’ma squeeze and pull the damn milk out her nipples and then tell the cops it was self -defense. All this shit is going through my mind.

“Yeah you hear me. Keep looking at her. I will beat your fucking ass”. So now I look up. Heart racing. Ready to say some shit back to manly chick when I hear the girl behind me say “Fuck you bitch. Don’t get mad cause I had her before you. You got my sloppy seconds”

OH SHIT!!! I’m caught in the middle of some real live Jerry Springer shit!!!!!!!!!!! This is the second time I’ve been somewhere that there was about to be a girl-fight over another girl.  SMACK THAT B*ITCH (in my Jerry Spring audience cheer)


~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on August 17, 2007.

18 Responses to “Friday Follicles”

  1. Who else would this happen to? Anyone? **crickets**

    Yup, only Fresh would encounter a lesbian girlfight on TARGET.

    Good thing it wasn’t you….cause that girl would have probably whooped your azz.


    ~ I always read, but today I HAD to comment.

  3. Why do I imagine that “Fatty” in question was just standing there while this was going on, either a) like you, looking down at the gum…or b) pop-lockin-and-droppin it. 🙂

  4. so then what happened? lol.

  5. SON.. I’m done!!!!! lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oh my stars!!!!


  6. @Sixty – I’m saying though. She was manly homie. What was I gonna do?!?!

    @Patrice – It was funnier if you would’ve saw my face. Like WTF is going on here!!?!?!?

    @So…Wise – I peeped shorty. She was looking down and walking to the door MAD quick….

    @Javaughn – They paid and rolled out. But the one behind me kept running her mouth to someone on her cell. You know how it is. You pop shit AFTER it’s over!!!

    @BK – I’m saying tho’…

  7. whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?????? wow… just wow….

  8. OMG!!!!!! hilarious….you have got to take this show on the…whup dat

  9. ok, first time visiting your blog. i came over here cause i was laughing at your ‘allow me to reintroduce myself’ comment on 1969’s blog..and now i come over here and i am CRACKING UP! like for real out loud laughing. haven’t done that in a while, reading someone’s blog. guess i have to do some reading of your archives. lol.

    so i wanna know what happened too! did they fight? that’s hilarious.

    great blog. i just may have to link you.

  10. LMAO. You never cease…

  11. @Jameil – I thought I was gonna have to throw some bows up in that piece.

    @Akilah – Whup Dat Trick…hahahahahahaha

    @Muze – Welcome. Don’t be a stranger ok? I’ll be coming around your parts any minute now.

    @Ms. Lee – Can you imagine?

  12. I always have to read your posts when eveyrone else is in meetings, just so I can laugh in peace.

    That was crazy!

  13. Damn man! That was just crazy! Better you than me though!!!

  14. *DEAD* I was so unprepared!

  15. LMAO!!! I don’t know if I said say lucky him or lucky you! 😀

  16. NOOO!!!..LMAO!! Listen, I just started reading your blog today and already your going to get me fired for laughing to loud! That is a hot mess, defenitely some NYC-ish..maybe it happens in Boston sometimes..haha

    The craziest thing I’ve seen in Tar-jay (yes, you get mad cool points for that) was this gang of 10 year old girls jump this chic that looked to be in her 20’s. Of course no one jumped in until rent -a- cops came, we wanted to see this beef!

  17. God Dayum! You had a plan to beat some butch ass, eh?!

    I want to know what happened next. Did you look at them both? Did you sneak another peak that baby girl? Did you say anything? What did the cashier do, say, or look like? I need more details….

    This is wonderful! You lucky bastard! I just get stuck between an old couple and some Mexicans. (BORING)

  18. LMAO, of all the people this had to happen to, LOL

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