Fresh the Author: Fresh Tells All

First Superlative Headicus, then C.armen Bryan and now…….T.arsha Jones a.k.a M.iss Jones.

Who?

M.iss Jones.

Who?

M.iss Jones (sorry that was my wack Mike Jones reference…Who?)

Anyway, she’s apparently on the bandwagon and released a tell-all book. Now I hear the whole book isn’t tell all but some of it is especially when she talks about Bussa-Bus but whatever. Between her and the S.uperhead Part 2 book, I guess people will get their dose of celebrity tell all gossip.

I haven’t read any of those books. I don’t plan to. I don’t want to. Personally, give me a DVD or some shit with it. Something to back up all that shit you talk about who you been with. Make it easy on me to justify a purchase. Don’t make me search the ‘net to find out why they call her S.uperhead. Yeah I saw the video, I’m saying tho’….

Whatever happened to the code of silence?!?!?!?

Whatever happened to getting some ass and keeping your mouth shut except for telling maybe your boy/girl or two or three?

So I realize that this tell all shit…This is it. This is my meal ticket. Fuck it. I’m writing a book titled:

STICK A BUSH…THE FRESH CHRONICLES….

Book Description:

Straight from the streets of Brooklyn, Mr. AlwaysFunkyFresh takes you on a literary ride as he taps skins on the B.K Biddies and beyond. His journey details the lure of the streets, being raised by a single parent, his dealing with the street and all the ass he’s gotten along the way. Recount the vivid stories of his encounters with the psychotic broads to the aspiring models. By sharing his story, Mr. Fresh hopes to shed light on fakes ass relationships and help young men and women avoid the same pitfalls. He hopes to inspire young men and women to find themselves way to dig themselves out of making that booty call when they going through that cycle of horny-ness and desperation.

For your reading pleasure, here’s an excerpt:

You ever be so tired sometimes that you think or dream that you hearing things? That’s what I was that night. When the phone rang, I thought it was a dream. But then I heard my cell phone buzzing on the nightstand, I knew it was real. I reached over to grab the phone and was blinded by those big ass red numbers. 2:35am. At this time of night, either one of my boys were calling from a jail cell or someone wanted to give me some booty. As soon as I heard her voice, I knew it was the latter. She said she was out with her girls that night. They were about to leave and she wanted to come see me. We both knew what that was about. I obliged and when I hung up, I hopped in the shower in an attempt to wake myself up. No more than 30 minutes later there was a knock at my door. Still sleepy, I moved slowly to open it and when I did, I was hit with a whiff of her Dolce and Gabbana perfume. Damn girl, you spray the whole bottle on? WTF? If that didn’t wake me up, hearing her heels click on the hardwood floors surely did wake up my fucking neighbors. She gave me the sexy strut. She knew I was watching. Women do that shit. She was on her mission. She dropped her coat and stood there in front of me in her ling-er-eee. “You work the pole tonight?” My smart ass comment to her. “No just getting ready to work yours” Her reply. My eyes sized her up. She must have just gotten her hair done that day. Old school Anita Baker haircut, french manicure, breasts perky and her booty looking like two midgets squatting squeezing the fuck outta that g-string. It was about to be on! And it was until the sun came up when she showered and left me in the bed of wetness to go home to her man. The one who signs my paychecks. My boss.

—–

Reviews:

**** (these are the stars that rate the books slow people)

Man, Fresh, man, this book is off the chain man. ‘specially that part ’bout you gettin’ some head in the mall parking lot…Shiiiiiit, I be doin’ that to my boo too…He loves him that shit….I recommends this book to e’rybody.

-Chiquita aka Chi-Chi

*

This negro lyin’. He ain’t do this shit. Fake ass internet writer.

– Rodney J

**

This is exactly the type of information that we as a people do not need in our society. The illustrious vividness of the pictures he paints does nothing but degrade our Earth and does nothing to inspire our Seeds and condemns the progress the people. He is doing nothing for the movement.

– Brother Jenkins

****

This book is pure ghetto genius. I believe all his stories especially the one about the boss’ wife. It’s vivid. It’s like I imagined it really happened.

-Anonymous

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on August 7, 2007.

14 Responses to “Fresh the Author: Fresh Tells All”

  1. “You work the pole tonight?” My smart ass comment to her. “No just getting ready to work yours”

    I am so awed by your warped and twisted mind. When is this book going to be available? Will you autograph mine?

  2. “You work the pole tonight?” My smart ass comment to her. “No just getting ready to work yours”

    I’M DONE… bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaaaa

    Son you are talented yes gifted..

  3. You are stupid! LOL. I keep tellin’ you man. PUBLISH! The world needs you!

    How about I didn’t read any of the other Headicus/Bryan books, but picked up Miss Jones’ blab fest. Wrote about it today as a matter of fact… Great minds.

    BTW, love the reviews! LOL. Especially Rodney J and Brother Jenkins. PUBLISH!

  4. Dude that straight up took some effort….some thought. Believe me none of these tell all books take much thought and effort. I need some entertainment…I am buying Karrine’s books. I find comedy in it and her being business savvy. She is making money off the same folks that made money off of her. I love her. At least she tells the truth, she hasn’t been sued for liable so technically she is good.

    I wish my pussy made me some long money. I need to work on that tho’!

  5. by the way.. if u want to read carmen’s joint I got it.. actually wasn’t a SMUT filled story.. she was very discreet and used tact.. she didn’t do a tell all.. she just gave HER side.. While I have no respect for supahead I thought Carmen’s joint was tasteful.. LOL *I didn’t buy it.. I got it as a christmas gift* LOL

    still LMAO @ you work da pole tonight!

  6. LMAO!! Please get this mess published. You have the most creative mind man!!

  7. CLOWN…LMFAO!!!

    Yo seriously though…why I want to read the rest? Not the bosses wife…and bad thing is I BELIEVE YOU TELLIN THE TRUTH! Hilarious dude…you are a mess!

  8. @Sixty-Nine = Of course you’ll get an autograph copy. I’ll give you a shout out in the credits. “I’d like to thank the blog fam…..”

    @BK – I’m talented, yes I’m gifted. Never boosted, never shop lifted….that’s a damn lie…

    @ Ms. Lee – I’m waiting in the wings homie!

    @Divine – No effort. That was straight off the top of the dome. My brain is warped like that sometimes. I could help you market that P though. Wait…that might make me a pimp?!?!?!

    @Bella – I’m saying though…..

    @Roycee – I don’t know nothing about no bosses wife or nothing like that…Huh? What?

  9. lmao…and smh!

    I can’t even point anything out…I would have to point EVERYthing out. I’m siding with Brother Jenkins!

  10. Tell you what…You write it and I’ll buy it 😀 [TRUE STORY] — LOL!!

  11. *lol* Classic Fresh, as always. I’m with you on, “Whatever happened to getting some ass and keeping your mouth shut …?” We don’t all need to know. Damn! And yes, if you write it, I will buy it!

  12. Ummm HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! *giving you 30 something punches* remember that!!!! LOL

  13. Well I guess I can’t knock these women since I air my personal sexploits on my blog all the time. But hey at least the people in it aren’t famous and I don’t divulge last names…

    Oh and your book would be a real page turner. BUT…WHY DID YOU STOP BEFORE THE SEX DAMMIT?

  14. […] Fresh the Movie Director Continuing with my role playing. Last week I was an author. Read it here. –>Click me<– […]

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