So what I lied….I’m posting…

I managed to dodge the Euro’s for dinner tonight. Sorry dude like I can’t like eat like with you like every night we’re like on a road like trip. They should know the routine by now. I do it every trip. I gotta breathe too. Find some folk like me.

Yo, I picked up the new K.ING magazine. I know I know…why on Earth would you do something like that? Ummm…I needed change? I was looking for the Playboy with G.arcelle but they didn’t have it, so I settled for the next best thing?

Well the infamous S.uperhead is on the cover so I figure why not. Let me read and see what this chick has to say this time around. Let me guess….wait…umm…you fucked a rapper?

Open the magazine….

It’s been a while since I bought a hip-hop magazine. I mean…….Let’s see what we have here.

There were ad or two or three for some hip-hop branded clothes. Oversized and overpriced and umm ugly

Hmmm….here’s an ad for rims. Go figure. We don’t need any on our cars.

Turn the pages. More clothes….

Oh wait…here we go. Scantily clad women. Woooo-hooooo. Now we’re talking…..

Here’s the white girl who is promoting her web-site and says “I have videos of me doing some freaky skits”…Where’s my laptop…is she fo’ real?

Then there’s F.abolous – Mr. Make You Better giving advice on How to Date on the Cheap. Fellas read that. A $20 date works just as good as spending cheese. (nah I’m being serious tho’)

More rims.

More rims.

Guess what came next? Nope, not rims. Clothes. And they profile a sweater that costs $380 from Blanc De Chine. Spend all that money on clothes and that’s why the $20 dates come in handy.

OH..then came the rims. They spinning n*gga they spinnin….

Insert alcoholic beverage.

Serious article called Slavery 2.0 right next to an ad for…….Rims.

Scantily clad random chick.

Finally, Superlative Headicus. Huh? You did what? who? Spent 5G’s…on a flight? What fuckin’ airline you fly? P*ssy Airways? Damn that’s a lot, don’t you think. Ok so where you go? Miami. Thats cool. To party? No? F*ck you goin’ to Miami for? Lil Weezy? What about him? Ooooh, you went to see Lil Weezy? Wait a minute…What else you do? SAY WORD. But wait, I don’t get it. In the article you called him Ugly. Huh? He “grew” into his ugliness?!!?!? WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!? OK. OK. Who else? A President or two. DAMN. No I won’t buy the next book. I didn’t buy the first one.

More rims.

T.I. (I didn’t read that yet)

Buckeey from Charm School….Yo, on the low son if she fixed the weave, I might actually hit that…on the low tho’…don’t tell no one….

Keri Hilson (Fresh likes her ALOT) Who dat Fresh? =>

Rims. Bet you couldn’t guess that one.

Chris Brown’s gear. Damn as much as I don’t want to, I actually gotta respect lil dude.


And finally the best part of the magazine (other than Keri Hilson). The back of the mag. C’mon…..

Ads…for Bigger, Thicker, Longer Penis’ (shut up Divine..LOL), next page, Male Enhancement Pills (are they trying to send a message?), next page…ahhhh yeahhh…

The Classifieds…….

Did you know I can get an Iced Out Chain and Cross for 59.99? It’s on sale. Down from 139.99. How about Iced out Rodium Plated Grills? What the fuck is rodium? Sounds like a poison but they’re only 49.99? And oooh oooh for my birthday, I want the Lil Jon Style Glass Pimp Cups….for 29.99 but if you get me all 5, it’s only 99.99 in 5 different colors….how fresh is that?!?!?!

Ahhh shit, a negro can buy a what? This shit says High School Diploma…I must’ve read that wrong. Next page….ASS. Nothing but ASS Ads. Call me baby. Call me sexy. Text honeys now. Chocolate Dancers. Extreme Booty. Oooh ooooh, Movies. Ms New Booty 2 (I didn’t even know there was a Ms. New Booty 1), Put Your Booty on my Camera Phone (yes that’s the title), Pum Pum Parties and Alcohol, Incredible Booty. Then after all that, a Penis Enlargement Ad.

Finally a pretty good lookin’ Backshot if I must say so myself.

All for$4.95

Yep, we’ve come a long way 🙂


“I am not a blogger. I am an internet wordsmith”……hahahahahahaha


~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on July 25, 2007.

14 Responses to “So what I lied….I’m posting…”

  1. Dear Mr. Internet Wordsmith,

    You are fuggin HILARIOUS!!! LMAOFOTFLOL!!! Ok I am not sure where to even begin. This post was the truth and nothing but the truth in all of it’s sarcasm your points still stand out. True to form Fresh!! I’m mad that you’d hit Buckeey though Ewwwwwwwwww!!!

    Wait did you call her azz Superlative Headicus LMFAO!!! I have to admit that I’ve become fascinated with that chick. It amazes me that after she has put about 20 rappers on complete blast that them African’s are still fuggin around with her…enough to give her ammo for a new book. Then the whole Lil’ wayne thing…how does that work? she got clips of her in his hotel room in Miami on her website (I told you I am fascinated with her LOL) and why she kept calling him her “Baby” so I thought she was referring to her son. She even showed his shoes sitting on the table and they were like a size 4 so I knew she was talking about her son…then at the end she goes…”My Baby…Weezy Baby” *BLANK FUGGIN STARE* her shyt must be the bomb, otherwise…I can’t call it Son!

    How much do I owe you for today’s post Mr. Correspondent?? LOL!

  2. Now I gotta run to her website to see this nonsense. I did not read her book but I just might go to the library and get it, since I have lots of free time now.

  3. LOL Too Funny! A WHOLE new way of reading a magazine.

  4. This is why you are my BFF. You are hilarious. Even on the road hilarious. LOL

    This post is precisely why I don’t read that mess.

  5. “Serious article called Slavery 2.0 right next to an ad for…….Rims.”


  6. I wanna respond…really I do but for the life of me, I CANNOT STOP LMAO. 🙂
    That shyt is MAAAADDDDD funny!!!!!

  7. How in good heavens did you know I was cracking up over here…Get out of my head…Stankey!

    I have some many brothers think I will buy them an year supply of penis enlargements or dick pumper-upper machines! What was the company. Kwannzza is approaching! LMAO.

    I should send some to a few X men and Spam Man. Think they will appreciate the thought?

  8. As soon as I saw the line about the rims at the beginning I said they spinnin nigga they spinnin then I saw you wrote it too lol I can never understand why folks feed into superhead cause I sure as heck aint’ spending that much money on a flight and where in the devils piss was she going…I tell ya nonsense

  9. And the Well-Reviewed Award goes to… This was great. *Cancelling my subscription*

  10. OH MY STARS!!! FRESH I AM SO DONE.. lmao.. my stomach hurts!!! hahahahaaaaaaaa

  11. oh lord. LOL
    the best review i’ve ever read in my life.

  12. Lol, most of those magazines King, Smooth are about nothing but booty and wasting money. Did you see the triple x movie with Superhead and mr. Marcus. She turned old boy out.

  13. What’s Up?,

    I’m a noob here. And it seems like a sweet forum.

    I just wanted to give a friendly “how’s it going” to all of you here.



  14. Hello
    I’ve just registered at the forum. This is my first message.
    Please don’t become angry about me.
    Thank you.

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