Amusement Park Pimpin’

So for the little one’s birthday we took a spur of the moment trip to an Amusement Park.

Let me just say that I now know why they call it an Amusement Park…’s because I was thoroughly and consistently AMUSED.

WTF is wrong with y’all cousins huh? Some of the shiggedy bojangles I saw was ree-dic-cule-lous….nah, more like please ridicule – us!!!!

Some of my findings…..

Our community, nah fugg that, America has a serious serious weight problem. Since I was at a water park, do you know how many bellies I saw just chillin—hanging out over pants and shit looking like they wanted to go on the ride too? Ewwww. I mean my stuff isn’t all that yet (notice I said yet) but damnit, can’t you put a shirt on over that…a wifebeater….a towel…something?!? And I’m all for Mother Earth bearing children and it’s a rough experience that has an effect on your body but ummmm…..the stretch marks and raisin lookin’ bellies should be controlled…..I swear….I’m gonna have to start handing out OSAG flyers…..oh yeah, SHAVE damnit!

Where the fuck are you going with those heels on? Its an amusement park damnit which means your ass is gonna be walkin so when you complain about your feet, I’ma say STFU…..and I know it’s 99 degrees babes but ummm….do you need to wear the shorts with the ass cheeks out when you bring your kids to the park….C’mon….
Some of yall kids need to pass the “can-take-you-out-in-public” test before you actually step foot out of your house. I know, every parent thinks their kid isn’t bad. FUGG OUTTA HERE. Let me be the first to tell you. Little Leroy is a mess and he’s headed down the road of major fuckupisms if you don’t whoop his ass a good 2 times a day.

Couples still wear matching gear with fannie packs. Nah, I’m dead serious…..It fugged me up too!

The word is EXCUSE ME so when you step on my foot, say that shit. When you bump into someone, say that shit. Let’s say it together. EX-CUSE ME. Got it? Good.

FUGG Little Sheniqua Levitra Jackson (I made that up. It’s purely coincidental if someone has that name) Anyway, fugg Sheniqua whining and shit cause she wants to go on a ride and you said NO. Or she wants cotton candy and you said NO. Throwing tantrums in the damn park. Got you dragging them by one arm and shit, knees scraping the damn ground. Smack that kid for me, please.

Oh yeah, my last entry on kids. (I saw a lot of kid stuff because I was in the kiddie part of the park)…..Listen, if I offer to bring your kid with me, it’s protocol to inform me of shit before I get to the park like oh Betsy (wait I need an ethnic name), Monifa…okay hey, Fresh, Monifuh doesn’t like bananas or is allergic to hot dog buns or hey Fresh, Monifuh can’t swim that well OR MOST IMPORTANTLY, hey Fresh, little Monifuh is PETRIFIED of larger than life characters so if she sees one, she might take the fuck off. These are things I need to know so when Scooby Doo comes over to the kids, I’m not having to chase YOUR kid across the park screaming at the top of their lungs to tell them that that shit isn’t real. It’s a damn costume!!!

Lastly, when you go to an Amusement Park….OSAG goes out the damn window. WHAT?!?!? Funnel cake son. Funnel Cake. What you think the kids were going to have all the fun?!?!?!?


~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on July 10, 2007.

13 Responses to “Amusement Park Pimpin’”

  1. MMMMmmmmm…..funnel cake. My favorite. With lots of sugar!

    This was so real. I saw so many out of shape parents at Sesame Place. So not cool. And yes, ghetto kids need azz whuppins.

  2. LMAO. Thanks for saying everything about this topic I’ve ever wanted to but never had the nerve.

    You are hella funny.

  3. Ok this is the funniest shit I read all day!!! HAHAHAHAHA!! You are too funny!

  4. lmao…well damn…did you and the lil princess enjoy yourself??

    I tell you sometimes I see these kids acting up and I seriously have to walk away cause I wanna pop ’em my damnself!

  5. LMAO at couple w/ matching outfit and fannie packs. U r stupid for that one. LOL.

    WTF is OSAG doing at the amusement park, Fresh? That joint goes out the car window when you pull up to pay the gazillion dollars to get in, Dude.

    But at the beach?! Whoa. I needed some of your OSAG brochures. And I think when you start working out, you start looking at people like, do something about that sh*t, damn! LOL

    Unlike you, I saw some fire being brought to the keedz! It was great! LOL

  6. OMG.. funnel cake.. mmmmm Mmmm yummmy.. *back to reality you gotta teach in 30 min!!!!*

    Son.. the matching outfits are very much in full effect.. I call it the Six Flags/Great Adventure syndrome.. YOU KNOW YOU REMEMBER THAT!!! SHIRTS FROM ALBEE SQUARE MALL THE AIRBRUSH SPOT!!!

    LMAO @ the bad arse kids.. hahahhaaa

    and Ummm yeah if you scared of Scooby Doo please tell me ahead of time.. cause I might leave yo kid LOL

  7. DUDE you are hilarious…not matching outfits and fanny packs LMFAO!!! Quietly them life sized characters scare the hells out of me too…its something a little freaky about a grown azz person stuffed into a hott azz costume. The fact that they do it says a lot about their mental to me…I’m staying the fuk away from them!

    Your azz is crazy yo!!! LOL!!

  8. That sounds like all kinds of Tomfoolery and Dingdurery.

    Matching outfits and airbrushed joints live forever in the hood.

    Rich folks do his and her’s Bentley. You can always tell the difference.

    Life sized characters and clowns should be outlawed. Who thought of that shit? Kids see Sponge Bob Square Pants no larger than 10 inches on TV screen….Why would they enjoy that big yellow sponge-deaf mute, hugging on them at a hot ass park?

    Fresh, OSAG is just a very local thing with you man. You ain’t figure that out yet. Some of us, love those soft bellies and round thick body parts. True the soft bellies should only be debuted during sex and not in front of kids and skinny people…its makes them vomit a bit in their mouth! Us biggem’s should be considerate when in public!

    *I am working on the fat memo to post at all Mc Donald’s and ColdStone Creameries in the Nation!*

  9. LOLOLOL I’m dying here!

  10. lmao!!! HILARIOUS!! amusement parks are cornicopias of ick and yuck.

  11. LOL @ raisin bellies….that’s a mess, but of course America has this big is beautiful movement going on so don’t be surprised if you see more of it @ ur local Six Flags and water parks. Meanwhile u can find me @ the local gym getting it right & tight

  12. LMAOOOOOO at the matching outfits.

    Do not get me started on the bad arese kids, I see them all the time at the part-time gig, I just wanna smack em.


  13. Matching outfits? Fanny packs? Really? *dead*
    Guess I shouldn’t scoff too loudly – I’m sure I can walk up on a leisure suit in my hometown on any given Saturday night….
    I’m not feeling those oversized cartoon characters either. I mean really – it’s 200,000 degrees & you inside a Scooby Doo outfit strolling around waving at people?

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