Corporate America: The Interview – Part 2

Let’s continue on with the madness. So we had Dress Code issues and Too Damn Cocky issues. Catch up here.

Next on the list

The RESUME – I could spend a whole post writing about this one. I don’t even know where to begin. Ok, some of y’all are some lying muh-fuhs. Let’s be real. Lying about getting a degree from a certain school. Lying about your job experience. Lying about organizations you belong too. Man listen.Were you really President of the National Council of Pimps and Players – DC Chapter? Interesting…I never heard of them before! That’s just the beginning.

You should know what’s on your resume. Everything. Oh cause you will get asked about it in some way and stop changing job titles to make it sound like you did more. If you were a cashier, say were a cashier, not a money machine specialist. WTF?

The other thing I see a lot on resumes is people get creative. They use the cute fonts, different colors, all of that nonsense. I even had one handed to me by a candidate on pink construction paper…you know the type that kids make cards for their momma’s out of. Crazy.

References – make sure they actually exist. This isn’t the club where you giving some random dude the wrong number and a fake name. This is a job homie! Oh and if you’re going to list me as a reference, damnit inform a brother man cause I’m not answering the phone for a number I don’t recognize!

Lastly, when you list your contact info on there, please get a decent email address. blowyourbackout@yahoo.com or doubled4u@hotmail.com doesn’t exactly put you ahead in the race for the job. And if you’re going to list your cell phone on there, please don’t have some funky ringback tone. That’s tacky.

BLACK on BLACK – You get to the interview and find out one of the people looks just like you. Sigh of relief? Are you surprised? Do you get comfortable? I see it happen all the time. When I was going on job interviews and saw another black person, I tried my best to let them know that I got this and I’m not in it to embarrass you or my race. That’s just me. But the comfortable dude sees me and immediately it changes from formal to informal. The slang comes out. “Yo son, this spot got some dimes son” Word. Seriously, let me initiate the okay for slang and comfort. Let me give you the traditional head nod or hand shake or random “na’mean” If you have the skills, I’m fighting to get you a job. That’s the bottom line. If you treating me like I’m Ja-lil from up the block, well…….my efforts might be useless. I know it’s different with women (and since I’m not one I can’t really speak on it)……

RECOMMENDATIONS – Hold up. It has happened to most of us. You get that call or email or whatever. Hey Fresh, you know Lil Pookie is looking for a job and since you have one with benefits, I wanted to see if you could “hook him up”. The magic words “Hook them up”. Makes the sh*t sound like I got a cable and you want me to splice the cable and share. People contact me asking me to “look out for bruh man” and get them a job and generally I’ll say ok, send me the resume. But then I see the crap I mentioned above and say naaaah. No way. I got burned once. Never again. A friend’s brother. Dude showed up 1 hour late. 1 hour LATE for an interview. No call. Nothing. So I call her. Where’s your bruh? She don’t know. This dude shows up like nothing is wrong and then got pissed when I had to tell him there would be no interview. Sorry bruh. My ass is on the line and anytime you want to recommend someone, so is yours.

I realize I could go on and on. Please share some of your interesting stories. I know some of you work in HR too and you see more resumes than me!

Next part in the series: You got the job but now what?!?!

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on June 4, 2007.

8 Responses to “Corporate America: The Interview – Part 2”

  1. AMEN! The email addresses are key. madskillz69@aol.com is soooo not a good look. LMAO!!!

  2. lol…..OMG….I have always been the “go to” person amongst my friends on anything regarding getting a “good” job and when I am asked to review a resume’ I have to preface my acceptance with “now don’t get mad but” and then proceed to redo, cut down, shoot holes through it but yet they want that “good” job but get mad at me for pointing out stupid ish on their resume’

    And when you have that “good” job it’s funny how you are asked to hook someone up when you prolly wouldn’t vouch for them in any other capacity….too funny….and please don’t think because “We” are in the position to hire we will let certain things slide…uh no….

  3. LOL.. well u definitely hit a few on the head.. especially saying you have a certification or belong to a professional organization and you don’t. I mostly see resumes for top executives but I do help out with the resumes for other positions too.. especially when looking for administrative help, they have me review and conduct the initial interview because of my experience in the administrative field. They know I will WEED them folks OUT!!! Funny thing was at my old job, they were looking for an admin they had me interview her.. Old girl said she was a member of a professional org and active in MY CHAPTER at that!!! she wasn’t even on our membership roster!!!! 2nd.. she said she had attained her certification, when I asked her what the initials stood for SHE COULDN’T EVEN EXPLAIN.. WTF.. how you gone have a certification and NOT KNOW WHAT IT STANDS FOR??? She thought she was a sure in because she had her boobies out and the partner she interviewed with told her she had a good shot.. after speaking with me and learning she didn’t even have the basic skills in word or excel, he and the HR manager asked me for my input on who would be the best candidate.. because I knew him so well.. I went with the girl who had good skills and was trainable and was a lil easier on the eyes for him.. LOL over the one with more experience with a pricer salary tag.. I ended up mentoring the girl and she is still with them and she always tells me thank you for taking a chance on her.. 😀

  4. and on another note.. IT PISSES ME OFF TO THE END OF PISSTIVITY when you hire a “staffing agency” to help you weed out the bad candidates and they send you DIRT!!! that’s when you CUT them off.. sometimes it pays to just pay for an inhouse recruiter!

  5. I tend to be the “go to girl” for resumes as well, and some of the stuff people have given me to review is outrageous. A friend’s mom asked me to review her resume a few months ago. She was formerly a bus driver, but instead of listing the position as “bus driver” she got creative and listed as “pediatric transportation provider and facilitator”. I really wonder why job-search skills aren’t taught in high school and college as a required course.

  6. People kill me with the “Hook me up” thing. Puleeze.

  7. LMAO @ pediatric transportation provider and facilitator.. NOW THAT WAS CREATIVE!

  8. LOL@ “Pediatric transportation provider and facilitator”.
    Part of the problem with ‘creative’ job titles is that even companies themselves do that – at my former job everybody had a company-sponsored ‘creative’ title…nobody was a data entry operator or CSR. I’m the unofficial resume reviewer too. The person who cracked me up most recently? He was a “logistics analyst”….um, he worked on the loading dock.

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