Corporate America: The Interview – Part 1

This is the first in what will probably be a series of posts for me starting today (probably a weekly topic when I get bored)

The theme: Corporate America

Ahhh….Corporate America a.k.a The Plantation a.k.a The Slave Ship a.k.a Housing Authority for the Good Ole’ Boy Network.

We all have our nicknames for it (by the way, I know I probably jacked one of the above names from someone out there, so here’s my footnote to give you credit). Where it all starts………

THE INTERVIEW…

Now I’m not a hiring manager (hell I ain’t even a manager -we’ll save that for another post in the series) but I frequently get involved in the interview process and have enough influence in the process to say Yeah or Not-A-Damn-Chance. In addition to assessing if you fit technically, HR wants me to see if your personality is a fit. No, seriously, they ask me to do that. See why I have the influence? This week is like interview hell week. It’s like this every year. We try and ramp up on staff. We even have an Open House which is by invitation only. If you get invited, the job is yours to lose. Let me tell you, some people did a real good job of losing…..

In true Funky Fresh format, I’ve broken down where these people went wrong either in person or on their resume or …fugg it……let me just start.

DRESS/ ATTIRE – You’re going to an interview for a job. Not the club. Not the game. Not a cookout. An interview. So wear interview clothes. A suit (men and women), shirt, tie, blouse. Shoes should be on point. You need to look neat. Shave damnit. Haircut. Hair done. First impressions count remember? Let me tell you what I saw: Tight top, boobies screaming for Fresh to set them free, short, tight, mini-skirt with fishnet stockings and black shoes with the strap around the ankle and 4″ skinny silver heel. Y’all ladies know the shoe I’m talking about…..My first impression…Damn she got a phatty…My second impression….Where are those single dollar bills I had?!?!?…My third impression….I wish I had a pole in my office…..My fourth impression….There’s no way she’s gonna make it past the VP of HR (who just happens to be a sister). That’s her. How about dude with the suit that looked 2 sizes too big? Pants were baggy like they were jeans. White socks and shoes. No shaving. Rough. Looking like that sh*t Anthony Hamilton used to rock on the side of his face. Beedy Bee’s and sh*t. I might let that slide if you fresh outta college cause maybe you don’t have no loot yet for a good suit but this dude was 5 years removed and already working. Other stuff I saw: the girl with the blue extensions in her hair, the dude who showed up in shorts and Air Force 1’s – yo, homie, what happened? Yup I asked him. Said he didn’t know there were interviews today. Son, it’s plain as day in the email and on the invite “Refreshments at 12 – INTERVIEWS TO FOLLOW”..WTF??!?!
Next…..

TOO DAMN COCKY – Here’s my common reaction. “Who the fugg are you?” It’s okay to be confident. You need to be confident. You have to show that they need you more than you need them regardless. But it’s a fine line. The minute you start sucking yourself is the minute you’re lost. Feel me? Well I got my BS from Stanford, my MBA from Harvard and my PhD from Princeton and blah blah blah. Homie, I don’t give two flying f*cks about that. I got my PhD from NYC. Ya heard?!?! I’m asking a question and they going off on tangents talking about themselves. Who cares? Exit stage right……….

Oh there’s more……….(coming tomorrow)

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~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on May 31, 2007.

13 Responses to “Corporate America: The Interview – Part 1”

  1. Dammit I aint even finished reading and I’m thinking Fresh is a married perv! ta ta’s just screaming for you to set them free…a pole in your office…getting your dolla bills…I could go on…but Imma stop right there!

    I am choking on the blue extensions…say word.

    OK @ the PhD from NYC…ya know?!?!

    These guys all sound young, inexperienced and CLUELESS!

  2. Nah nah homie. Okay maybe I’m a little perv but shhhhhhhhhh!!!! But you know it’s bad when men and women have a comment. And by the way, this one wasn’t young. Not early 20’s young. She was at least early 30’s. Real Talk.

  3. OMG.. well Fresh.. we can exchange HORROR stories from interviews.. 🙂 LOL it amazes me how people do NOT prepare themselves.. Hmmm we should do a collabo series.. you talk about it from the business group side and I can speak on it from the HR side.. cause WOW.. do I shut folks DOWN.. quickly.. Resumes.. HILARIOUS!!! and they all wonder HOW I know they aren’t members *active at that* of professional organizations they are claiming on their resume.. LOL

  4. lmao….”My first impression…Damn she got a phatty…My second impression….Where are those single dollar bills I had?!?!?…My third impression….I wish I had a pole in my office…..”

    Wow….we have strippers walking around my office all the time…i’m still trying to figure out how they were hired or who they “did” to get hired….

    Working for “The” man requires more than some degrees, because i’d take common sense over a degree any day. And it doesn’t take a lot of brains to know that if you are asking for a job look the part…..

    Can’t wait for part 2…

  5. *sigh*

    This is an ongoing struggle with our people for real. Job preparedness skills (is that a word?).

    It’s such a tragedy. Not the silver heeled stilettos? LMAO @ she had a phatty. You can take KNEEGROWS outta Brooklyn but damn…..LMAO@ your crazy azz.

  6. I had a girl show up once with satin booty shorts and a satin tank top cut real low…stillettos with a clear heel (yeah you know…the hooka kind) and get this, a down her back weave with a baseball cap turned to the side with a shinny gold dollar sign on the front. I lie to you not I was looking around for the candid camera. And of course I was the only woman (and black person) on the interview panel. She showed up for a $60,000 Admin position and I would have been sharing her with one other person. I was so embarrassed. When I got outside to my car 1 hour later to go to lunch she was waiting for the bus…so I just had to… She said that she worked as a stripper part time to pay her way through school and those were the only kinds of clothes she had. Part of me felt bad for her but knew that was no excuse…you shaking your azz to pay for school you should have enough sense to know that you should use some of them ones to buy a friggin suit and some shoes. And the hat…SON!!! I can’t…

  7. @BK – I’m sure you have stories especially being in HR.

    @Akilah – Strippers in your office?!?! Where you work? Nah, what people wear to work..Oh..that’s coming in another post.

    @1969 – you know me homie!!!

    @Roycee- Say it ain’t so. PLEASE. Say it’s not so. I thought my interviewee was bad but that was even worse. You can take some of that money and go anywhere, the $10 store and get something decent to wear.

  8. The internet is full of information. All you need to do is google ‘interview dresscode’. Even a cheap starter suit is better that what some of these people are wearing. I got a nice well tailored suit at Macy’s the other day for $99. It was marked down from a few hundred.
    If you get an invite read the damn thing and follow the instructions.

  9. Sweet Jesus part the sky!! I used to sit in on interview panels for my job. I don’t get it. Even if you don’t see real folks in your neighborhood dressing and going off to work, dammit you see that ish on tv & in the movies. UGH! Can’t wait for part II.

  10. I really wish you were lying about the stripper clothes chick. We have a few admin asst’s at my job that dress like that and because of it, get the benefit of free lunch from a few of their male co-workers every day. Damn shame

  11. […] Corporate America: The Interview – Part 2 Let’s continue on with the madness. So we had Dress Code issues and Too Damn Cocky issues. Catch up here. […]

  12. […] in about a month and today’s incident reminded me. If you need to read the first two, click here and […]

  13. […] America: High School Revisited First there was the interview. –>READ ME<— Then there was part 2 of the interview. Read about it […]

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