I Ain’t No Snitch…



Somebody is not playing right.


Somebody isn’t following the rules.


Damnit, I’m pissed.


Twice in the past week, I come home from work only to see dog poo poo in my front lawn. Dog poo poo a.k.a #2 a.k.a dog shit a.k.a dog stinkies.


Now I have a dog,  a little foo-foo looking joint. (actually it’s the kid’s but ummm somehow I got stuck with the responsibility). When we got the dog, I told my daughter, she gotta follow 3 rules. (there were more but for the sake of the blog, I’ll give you 3)


Rule #1- When you walk the dog outside, put it on the leash.


Rule #2 – Do not let the dog piss or shit in anyone’s grass.


Rule #3 – When the dog does shit, pick it up with the pooper scooper.


Seems simple right? I mean if a 5 year old can follow directions, why can’t an adult do the same?


There are at least 2 people in my neighborhood (I’m sure there are more) that let their little mutts run loose and do whatever their dog hearts please. Shitting in my yard seems to be one but I never actually saw it happen until……


This morning. I’m pulling out to go get my clothes from the cleaners and I see this little mutt looking shit getting ready to drop a load in my lawn again. I stopped the car, got out and chased that little fucker away from my house. When I get back in the car and look in my mirror, I see it dropping the load in my neighbor’s lawn, so I get out again (only I’m too late) and it runs right back in the house and the door proceeds to close right behind it. Now I know the fucking dog ain’t close the door itself,  so that means a human actually waited till that b-i ran inside and shut the door.  Mind you, these people have a fenced in backyard.  WTF?!?!? Having your dog shit in someone else’s yard is disrespectful. Plain and simple.


I said something to the owner before, not because of the shit (I didn’t know) but because we have a good number of little kids around the way, some of which are paranoid of the dogs. I saw that shit run up on a shorty and scare the living bee-gee-sus out of him.


So today, as soon as I got to work, I called my homeowners association. I’ve been living in my house for over 5 years. I’ve only called homeowners like twice. The lady needs their alleged owner’s address to send a warning. If they don’t listen, then it’s a fine (a couple hundred) after that (in her words), it gets serious.


Nah Miss…it might not even make it that far. I don’t want to be spiteful but I can if need be. I’ve already got a few ideas floating around in my head like…feed my dog a bunch of human food to give her the runs and let her do that shit in their yard OR anonymously drop a pooper scooper on their porch OR pick up their dog shit from my yard and drop it on their front door step OR  buck shots at their dog with my bee-bee gun (nah someone might call PETA) OR stick a sign in my lawn that says “If your dog shits in my lawn, it will die….seriously”. How’s that?!?!


Damnit, I ain’t no snitch……but pick up after your bitch…….


~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on April 3, 2007.

10 Responses to “I Ain’t No Snitch…”

  1. See this is why I’m a cat person. they do their business in a little box and then cover it up….so low maintenance.

    Anyway dog shit in the yard is so fucking trifiling! EWW.

    People are so damn rude and ignorant. You should have a box of poop delivered to her …there’s a company that delivers nasty shit to people’s houses as revenge gifts…I saw it on TV once…you should google it!!!!


  2. I say the Big Angry Black Man should knock on her door with a bag of sh*t in hand. When she opens it, tell her that her dog left this on your lawn….hand it to her and walk away.

    She’ll be SHOOK.

  3. LMAO.. OMG I’m with 1969.. you do that and I BET you she won’t EVA let her dog come in your direction again!!!

    ya’ll can keep them damn animals.. I’m allergic..

  4. LMAO. Ok, I’m with 1969 also. Make sure you go looking your thugged out best. Or just give your dog a big azz bowl of collard greens and then let him shat all over their driveway.

  5. Broth,

    Do it all;
    1. Thuggish Shit Livery Service
    2. Homeowners Association
    3. Green and Hot Peppers to Snoopy
    4. Shotting Buck Shots at his ass and PETA WHEN they show up
    5. Dog will Sign
    And my addition to your list…
    Breed that son of a bitch dog with the nastiest biggest Pit Bull…Big Dick aways straightening your ass out, even a shitty dog!

  6. All of you guys gave me some good suggestions. I’ll be nice and do the homeowners call first. If that doesn’t do anything, it will be A Shit Delivery Service. Mudda Fuggas.

  7. Fug the Homeowners Association…..nothing gets the point across like Sh*t Delivery!!!

  8. omg.. divine lavendar got me LMAO hahahaaaaaaa not breed it with a pit doe!!! hahahaaaa

  9. Man Divine…that ish had me spitting out my OJ this morning…..

  10. LMAOOOOOOOOO this is some funny ish….I would love to see the look on his or her face when you hand deliver the shit.

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