Jamaica-Part I – Im mek up im mind areddy.

Guess who’s bizzzzack.

It’s going to take me some time to get used to things again. I mean, I had a certain riddim when it came to typing these blogs. But after going 4 days without any type of electronic communication (no laptop, no email, no cell phone, no internet), I’ve got to learn how to use those things again.

Vacation was nice – as expected. It was some well deserved time away. EVERYONE needs a vacation. EVERYONE. I’m gonna save that discussion for another blog entry this week. But my vacation didn’t start off so nice….

Everything was cool. Early direct flight on Air Jamaica. Mimosas served on the plane. No problem getting through security or customs. Find the guy we are supposed to once we land and he brings us to the hotel. So far so good right????

That’s when the drama begins……

Let me give a “likkle” disclaimer here before I get into the happenings. I am a picky person by nature but my picky-ness increases by 100% when it comes to hotels. Now I usually do my research on hotels and if I’m planning a vacation, most people don’t worry about my hotel selection because they know I’m checking it out ahead of time. This time I slacked. I got lazy. I booked everything last minute. I figure hey, I’ve been to some destination weddings before and the places were legit. Why not this time?

But I screwed up this time. I missed the signs.

Sign #1 – Wifey tells her co-worker that she’s going to Montego Bay. The co-worker, who’s family is from Montego Bay asks where she is staying. Wifey tells her the hotel. The co-worker responds with “Mmmmm”. Mmmm?!?!?! Mmmmm?!?!? What the fuck is Mmmmm?!?!?! Red-fucking-flag.

Sign #2- I ask my co-worker, who recently went to Montego Bay, about their trip. They ask where I’m staying. I tell them the hotel. They never heard of it. Now this one isn’t so bad because you never know — it’s a foreign country and I don’t expect everyone to know everything. Semi-red-fucking-flag.

Sign #3- Upon checking in, the lady who is helping us hands us 2 remotes in addition to our room key. Wifey thinks nothing of it. Just looks at me. I say, WTF? Why do they keep remotes at the front desk? People jackin’ remotes now? Red-fucking-flag.

Sign #4- We enter the room. It’s a suite, bedroom, kitchen area, living room/sitting area. All good? No. The spot wasn’t clean (we actually saw the cleaning lady sitting down outside talking to the security guard). It had a little stench to it. The A/C wasn’t on and it was in the bedroom. That’s what remote #1 was for. It’s damn near 90 degrees outside and it felt like 100+ inside. The bellhop turns on the A/C, then the ceiling fan in the sitting area and says give it an hour, it’ll cool down. An hour? It should’ve been cool when I walked in.

He (the bellhop) continues to give us a “tour” of the room and hits us with a barrage of questions.

Bellhop: Yuh nuh ha’ plans to use dih frig so?

Us: Umm..Yes. He reaches behind the frig and plugs it in.

Bellhop: Give it a likkle bit. Yuh nuh plan to use fi tv so?

Us: Ummm yes…and he reaches behind and plugs that in to.

At this point, wifey is giving me this look like WTF?

Bellhop: Yuh nuh plan fi use deh hot wata?

Us: Huh? Yeah we use hot water? Why?

Bellhop: Oooh. mih gwan tune up deh hot wata heater so.

Me: It’s not on.

Bellhop: Nah Bossman.

At this point, I’m like okay. This isn’t as bad as it seems. But when bellhop man leaves and I go in the bedroom/and bathroom, I knew it time to take action. The bathroom was dirty. I still saw a ring around the tub. I didn’t even feel comfortable taking a piss. The blanket on the bed had an odor to it. I was scared to pull it back. When I lifted up the blanket, it wasn’t even a king bed. It was two twin beds pushed together. I couldn’t help but laugh.

I walked out the bedroom, into the sitting area where wifey was trying to watch TV on a screen that was no bigger than my laptop. Her facial expression said it all. She had that “I can’t fucking believe we’re staying here”. Oh the remote was jacked too. Whenever she pushed the volume button, the channels changed. When she pressed Mute, the tv turned off! Her expression changed again. RED FUCKING FLAG.

There was no way I was staying in a hotel room for 5 days/4 nights with a black woman who was pissed off the first 30 minutes after check-in. That equals no ass for Fresh and I’ll be damn if we on vacation and Fresh don’t get none!!!!!

I didn’t even want her to see the bathroom. She would’ve been on the next flight out of Jamaica!

So we called, complained at the front desk and the answer we got was there were no other rooms available. They were booked. Few minutes later we got a knock on the door from the soon-to-be-wife and husband who just happened to come and check on us. The wife to be says all nonchalantly “Oh we had the same problems and even the shower wouldn’t drain but they’ll fix it”

Huh? What?

It was at that point I realized that (1) I’ll be checking out of this hotel as soon as I find a viable replacement and (2) that I need to do my research on EVERY hotel from here on out and (3) more importantly, there are two different types of vacationers.

The first type of vacationers are the resort type. Put them on a resort with a nice view, nice room, a pool and easy access to the beach and/ activities and they are content.

The second type of vacationers are the “adventurous” type. They want to live, stay, chill with the locals. They don’t just want to experience the culture. They want to LIVE the culture.

On some vacations, I’m resorty. Just give me a pina colada, a book and let me lay out on the beach or by the pool, get a tan and turn burple. Other vacations, I’m adventurous. Sometimes I’m both. I’ll hang with the locals but take my ass right back to the resort. Those are the best ones. But for this trip, I needed to be resorty. I needed to relax, not be warned about suspicious looking people from the bellhop. Everybody has a different tolerance when it comes to vacations/hotels, etc. There were people who stayed at the hotel and had a blast. They said the hotel was great. It wouldn’t have been great for me. I wouldn’t have had a blast. I would’ve had an attitude the whole time. My vacation would’ve been ruined. I wasn’t up for shopping at local market. I wanted room service. Imagine the look wifey would’ve gave me if I asked her to use that kitchen and cook while she’s on vacation!!!!!

So I made a few phone calls, packed up our shit (well, we never unpacked) and rolled the hell out. When we got to the front desk, I asked the lady again if she had any more rooms. She said no. The wife-to-be was with us in there and spoke with the manager. She offered to switch our room with another but by that time I checked out and was loading our bags in the cab. The manager asks the lady(employee) if she offered me a new room. She said no. The manager extends the offer but the employee cuts her off saying “Im mek up im mind areddy”.

You damn skippy Im mek up im mind areddy.

By the way, ask me how many times I got offered weed that day? The guy who droves us to the hotel, the bellhop, a guy in the market, the cab driver to the other hotel……it just went on all weekend.

Here are some pics:

The first pic is the view from the first hotel room. The others are the views from the other hotel. Click to enlarge. Those are real pics. Not fake internet joints. πŸ™‚



~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on January 30, 2007.

6 Responses to “Jamaica-Part I – Im mek up im mind areddy.”

  1. Did you end up at Round Hill? That’s where I would have stayed in Montego Bay. Either there or book a villa. Spyglass is also great.

    Glad you made up your mind and got the hell outta there. I am VERY PICKY with my hotels too. πŸ™‚

  2. Looks like you ended up at Round Hill. LOL Is that where you stayed? Montego Bay….ahhh…memories.

    Welcome Back Midwood.

  3. @1969 – I tried to get Round Hill and Half Moon. Both were booked. A lot of the places were booked because it was the Air Jamaica Jazz and Blues Fest. I ended up at the Ritz Carlton in Rose Hall. Still not a bad choice…..Definitely better than what I started with. I looked up Round Hill when I got back last night. It’s niiiicccce!!!! Next time I’m there!

  4. Ooooh can I live vicariously through you? I haven’t been on vacay in soooooooo long. *sigh*

    That 1st place sounds a hot mess (and looks like a jungle in the 1st pic lol). Glad things turned around for the best.

    Welcome Back!!

  5. LMAOOOOOO, next time my youth you better ask a local bout the hotels.

  6. ROTFLMAO HAHAHAAA poor fresh… *still laughin at staying a hotel room with a black woman who is pissed off* lmao

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: