Shopping bags….

Thanksgiving Eve. Shopping Mall.

I had this damn urge that night to go shopping. I have no damn clue where it came from but I didn’t ignore it. I just went.

Anyway, I’m at the mall, trying to find something to spend my money on. You know when you want to shop for shit, you can’t find shit. When you’re broke as hell with just enough money in your checking account to pay the electric bill, you find all the shit you’ve ever wanted. ON SALE. Ain’t that about a bitch?!?!

My cell rings. It’s wifey. She says she needs me to pick up a purse for her to match her new brown suede boots. Translation: Buy me something. I can’t wait till Christmas. SIKE..nah just kidding. You know women have to accessorize and this is what I get for being attracted to high maintenance women.

How many men would flinch, run for the hills and border if their significant other, booty call, whatever asked them to do that? (well I’m not sure I would do it for a booty call unless it’s top-notch booty)

I was telling a few of my boys about this and you would’ve thought I told them that ESPN is no longer a sports channel. They lost it. One said he wouldn’t do it. Not even for his wife.

See that request was nothing for me. It didn’t make me flinch. I didn’t even think twice. Truth is I like shopping for wifey. I’ve always been like that with any woman I’ve been with. For one thing, it’s a compliment. That means they trust my judgement. They think I have good taste. The other thing is it’s somewhat of a turn on for me. I mean to see your woman wearing an outfit that you bought…..shiiiiiiiiiiiiit……someone calling in sick for work that day 🙂 When someone compliments her on something I bought and she says I bought it. Even better. I don’t even mind going shopping with her (with some stipulations though) A lot of this came from being raised by a single mom. When she went shopping, she dragged me with her. She wasn’t about to leave me with no babysitter. You crazy?!?!?!

But doing this shopping comes with consequences especially depending on the item. Like I said, I have no problem with this. I will be in shoe stores, department stores, Vickie’s, you name it AND this usually spawns 1 of 3 reactions:

#1 – Ahhhhhh that’s so cute reaction – This is what you get from the sales people in these stores who see you looking for items. They get all emotional and googly-eye and hit me with the “ahhhh that’s so cute. I just think that’s so ___________(fill in the blank with a positive reaction) when a man shops for his woman.” comment.

#2 – You look lost reaction – This is what I get from the ditzy sales people who think I’ve accidentally wandered into their store looking for something. Excuse me sir can I help you? They offer their help at least 100 times during my visit. Back the hell off of me. I got this.

#3 – He’s got to be gay – Let’s face it. Anything that a man does that has a potential to oooze out an ounce of your manhood is perceived as gay. And sometimes shopping for your woman can come off like that. Sorry. It’s not that type of party.

#4 – I know I said 3 but this one is common too…#4 is the What the fuck you doing dawg??? – This is the classic reaction I get from guys who just happen to be in the mall with their woman that night and just happen to be in the same store with their woman and me and as their woman is picking out some shoes in Aldo for herself, I’m doing the same for wifey. Then comes the look. What the fuck is this dude doing? He first thinks #3 (see above). But when I clear the air with the sales and say it’s for wifey, this yields his woman to slap his dumbfounded ass across the chest and say something like “see, his shops for his girl” That’s a hint dawg. Let me give you a little piece of advice duke. Most women get off on that shit. They love when their man shops for them (guys you can buy more than lingerie too…try it…)

Instead of mean muggin’ me, do what I’m doing for my wifey for your girl or else I’ll make your girl my wifey. Get it? Good……

By the way, I found the purse in Macy’s. Perfect match. Perfect night 😉


~ by alwaysfunkyfresh on November 29, 2006.

2 Responses to “Shopping bags….”

  1. It is true, all the good ones are either married, dead, gay or in jail.

  2. Damn. That sounds so depressing.

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